Another Thursday, another list.

I will try not to make this weird listing thing a regular occurrance, but I don't know that I have much coherent to say what with this time of year making a person anxious, and broke, and also I may not be writing much between now and New Year's. Then again, every time I say that I'm going to be off living a real life instead of writing my life away, I start posting forty-two entries a day. Paging Dr. Freud for reverse psychology class! But bring your gloves because... it's COLD. The brain shrinks when it's cold.

1) And "cold" is a relative term.
Today I came into work wearing the following: One knee-length wool peacoat over a sweater, a long-sleeved shirt and a tank top. Gloves, scarf, pants, thick socks, suede boots. It was FORTY-FOUR DEGREES outside. In California! I know that somewhere someone is thinking that 44 degrees sounds like a springtime warm spell, but in Los Angeles it's the near-end of the world. Someone in the elevator asked if it was cold enough to snow. "Well," I said, "If by 'snow' you mean 'sunshine all day' ... then yes. Yes it is." Since it was only 7 a.m., this person did not hit me.

2) Speaking of violence
People have lost the ability to drive. It happens every year, as the holidays get closer and closer, people get crazier. They're REALLY IN A HURRY, plus they are LATE FOR SOMETHING, plus they are maybe pissed off or tired or stressed out. And there are people on the road who do not normally drive and, for example, do not know how to merge or turn left or use their car at all. It's weird, this collective holiday stress all over the city. And there is a LOT of honking. Today there was a five-car pileup ON THE ONRAMP. How on earth do five cars tangle on an on-ramp at rush hour? When you are moving 0.03 miles per hour at a metered light? Someone explain this to me. Please.

3) Could I have some e. coli with that?
Is it really wrong and weird that with all this news about Onterliole I suddenly, really want to eat there? I know I should be appalled by the lack of apparent food safety but instead all I think when I hear another news story is... enchirito! Nachos bellgrande!

4) But I haven't eaten there.
(Yet.)

5) The right Survivor won!
Most of the time I think the wrong person wins Survivor. But I pegged Yul Kwon from Day One as a winner... and he actually won! I know a lot of folks were really freaked out by the race hype before the show, but in the end the final four were: one Latino guy who was pretty much the most amazing athelete ever, two Asian-Americans, and an African-American woman who was the most serene female player ever to go that far in a whole season of Survivor. By playing the race-tribes up in the beginning, they had a WAY more diverse cast, and for the first time you saw a whole spectrum of people from each race instead of the token black guy, or the token Latina like they usually do. I hope they keep up this way with a more mixed cast every season!

6) Strange things you never get used to.
Prior to moving to Los Angeles, I had never seen a police helicopter except on the TV. But out here they fly overhead at night regularly, circling overhead with the eye-in-the-sky, a hugely powerful spotlight that can illuminate all sorts of crime on the ground. I don't live in a real bad neighborhood, much, but I am thisclose to a bad neighborhood (this is Los Angeles ... everyone is close to a very bad neighborhood.) Last night the ghetto bird hovered and circled around my neighborhood forEVER. And they are loud, and sometimes the light goes into your windows which freaks a person out, because you wonder if forty-eight carjacking suspects will be running through your backyard any moment. But the noise! I felt like I was in the opening scene of M.A.S.H. for about an hour and a half. That is just not something about big city life I will ever get used to.

7) Yes I bought the felines a Christmas gift.
They are, after all, the entire sum of my divorce settlement and I want to keep them happy. I really splurged and spent a whole $9.98 on this thing called a "crinkle cave" which is a little nylon tent and the floor of it makes a crinkle sound, the same sound my cats make when they tear apart the Sunday paper and sleep on it. Surprisingly enough, the cats love the new cave. Roy loves it most of all and has spent almost every waking/sleeping moment huddled up inside the tent since I gave it to them on Saturday. I took pictures of Bob annoying Roy in the new toy, but of course I forgot to bring my camera today. Whoops.

* edit: I got this crinkle cave thingy at Target but they don't have it pictured online. They do, however, have the cube version pictured here. Except the description does not specifically say "crinkle" so I don't know if it is just a boring silent cube. The cave is shaped more like a little tent, it's longer than a single cube looks like a miniature camping tent. With a cat inside. I'll post pics tomorrow.

8) Really, I need a break.
So if the diary-keeping becomes sporadic in the next few days you know why. I am probably stuck in traffic, or bemoaning my enchirito, or watching the exciting Cat Cave Smackdown that's happening in my living room while Survivor is on hiatus. I didn't say this was an exciting life, the life I'm living, but it is certainly not without it's fair share of risk ... especially if I drive to the Taco Bell tonight after work. IN THE COLD. People! It's just edge-of-your-seat excitement here at Chez Nuttier Than A Fruitcake! Alert the police helicopters!

 

We lied.

This Living Out Loud Thing was a new concept for me, a girl full of secrets, ashamed of being poor as a kid, with a checkered background, too much imagination. You just want to be so normal when you've had a crazy life. When I first met Mr. X, he lied about his age. It was the beginning, you know, of lies and secrets and all of it.

Lying is so powerful, it's so easy, you can slip into it easy as that. Trim a few years off your age, add a few dollar signs to your income, say you're not married.

He did. And then I did, too.

He made it so easy. I don't blame him. I need to tell you that when you're hiding from yourself, you say the untruths. You lie. It takes no encouragement. Finding a willing partner just adds fuel to the fire.

I'm walking a fine line these days, Living Out Loud is so much easier and harder than I expected. Someone emails me, and instead of telling them some bullshit story about... my hair? I tell them, no uncertainty, about the day when I was 13 and alone with angst, painting in my bedroom. Calling in to a radio station, it's a story that involves teenage awkwardness and joy division. Painful honesty. Or I tell ya'll what it feels like every day to be more divorced by the minute. I stop lying about my age, the smoking, and yeah I got four cats what of it? I write in curse words and talk about my love affair with wine, which some of ya'll think is addiction, but I know it's sadness and boredom because to live out loud is to say "I self-medicate, I eat, I drink wine. I am alive." I am not an addict, but I do love a good hearty cabernet with my whine. You can have a love affair with anything.

Hard-won truth.

I do not know who I married. He hid himself from me, the woman who slept beside him for a decade. When a man leaves his wife with no explanation, some bullshit, 'I need to get my creativity back,' it strips you of your value. Because he's saying "Anything would be better than you. You suck the life out of me. I want anything that isn't this." Well, fuck you. I want something better, too.

Advice: Men, if you leave your wives, tell them it was for another woman, a man, a career, a dream. Give a reason. We can explain away a reason, a woman, "Oh, he must like dark-haired women, flat chested, he's gay, God only knows. But he wanted this one other thing..." because lying to me, leaving me like this, made me question every goddamn thing about myself. It stole my self-esteem. And I am well and very pissed off about it.

Living Out Loud is hard. But it's worth it, because if you stop lying ("He left." Do you know how hard it is to say those words? To admit failure? To be flawed?) you can sigh, you can shrug, you can know that one true thing is good enough, that you're honest and it's enough. You have four cats. You drink wine. You fail and pick up the pieces. You love with abandon, honest love. You're hurt, but you're not bitter. Bitter implies a life without truth, and you live out loud. It's harder and yet easier than you ever imagined.

You keep on keeping on.

 

What cosmetics should be used by every woman

Not all girls like to wear makeup - lipstick, foundation, mascara and blush. A few years ago, naturalness became fashionable, so many people prefer to do without makeup or make minimal adjustments to their appearance. However, there are categories of cosmetics that will benefit every woman. These products help maintain a healthy and neat appearance.

Care creams - for women of any age.

Cosmetologists recommend using such products after 25 years. This is the age when the first wrinkles begin to appear, and they won't disappear without proper care. Select a quality line of products can be found on the Internet. The various sites offer a variety of creams that are easy to order from China at an affordable price. By the way, news about Aliexpress I read here. If you go from your computer and not your phone, a preview will be available on this page.

When choosing a cream, it is important to consider the type of skin. Only then be able to buy a product that will be truly effective. Also remember that creams are divided into day and night. Therefore, each of them should be used at a different time.

Hygienic lipstick and lip balms

What cosmetics you should use

These products are indispensable in cold and windy weather. In winter, chapped lips suffer greatly from frosty, cracked lips and a nasty, transparent exfoliation. To avoid such problems, it's enough to use a lip balm. It or hygienic lipstick should be applied just before leaving the house. True, keep in mind that a decorative covering (for example, gloss) over it will be already problematic.

Hair products

This is an absolutely special area of cosmetics, which includes numerous preparations. The most famous of them are masks and balms. The task of such compositions is to make the hair strong, shiny and healthy.

What cosmetics for women to use

Apply cosmetic products, first of all, is worth to those who suffer from dandruff, split ends and similar problems. However, it is recommended to use masks and balms to prevent these problems for all women. So you can avoid many problems with hair in the future.

Have I been bullied online?

No, but have seen it happen, in a way, when a group of rabid fangirls decided to gang up on someone who voiced a small word of dissent about their favorite author. Can you say hyenas in pursuit?

TMI authors/posts?
You have the right to express yourself. If you feel comfortable talking about intimate details–go for it. You risk the chance of making people who read it uncomfortable, and perhaps making them feel like you’re advertising your sex life to make a buck or two, but that’s your choice.

My choice is to read it or not.

 

This just in! It's still hot!

Ah, yes. The second A/C repairman did arrive yesterday, he was not the least bit kissable but at that point, neither was I. Well, not unless you find copious sweat attractive, in which case... come to mama! I got all you need!

Anyway, Mr. FixIt #2 scurried up to the roof, pounded around a bit, then told me to turn on the air.

I did as requested, then walked back outside to get a status report, only to find the repairman packing up.

I sat on the front step, under the terribly misguided assumption that:

A: He was actually here to FIX the air.
B: He would pack up, return and give me an update on the repair status. Possibly come inside and check said air repair status.
C: And also actually FIX the air.

Silly me! As I sat on the step and waited for him to pack up, he got into the van and drove away. Without saying anything. I tried to chase after him, but it was then over 100 degrees outside and the thermometer inside had peaked at the end of the dial, the cats were lifeless, I was dripping sweat, and only hot air was pouring out of the air vents in my house. Plus, let's face it ya'll, I have the body of a writer. Marathon sprints are beyond me.

After several calls to the A/C company that were "accidentally disconnected" on their end, I called the household insurance company and had what can only be described as a Blanche DuBois moment, more reminiscent of the end of the movie, when she's crazy as a bedbug. It didn't take too much incoherent babbling to get the name of a new A/C place, and an assurance from Large Insurance Corp. that they'd fax an emergency work order to A/C Company #2 on the condition that please, ma'am, please stop crying!

Ya'll know. Blanche scares folks.

After all the phone calling, I went to Home Depot with half of Los Angeles and searched for a fan large enough to propel a small aircraft. I SCORED. The new industrial fan scared all the cats at first, but by 3 a.m. they were splayed out in front of it, ears blown back, looking like they were in a G-force WIND TUNNEL. I love my cats so much ... even though we had a touch-and-go situation with a small fur tornado, which I was able to conquer with my knowledge gleaned from hours of Storm Stories. Thank God for teevee. Saved my life.

The new A/C guy -- my third! -- is coming today between 1-4 p.m. There's no way for me to miss more work, and still no way for me to let the cats die. So missing work it is! These cats will thank me when we're all well and back to normal, but living in the storage shed. Plus, we have our industrial fan now. The storage shed will be remarkably well ventilated! I keep telling Roy in my most philisophical voice, "This sweat, too, shall pass." He stares at me with deep understanding. He knows I've lost my damn mind. I think he just meowed at me. It sounded sort of like... Blanche?

Addendum #1 Ya'll know. Pardon all the whining! It's not like I'm dead, just sweaty and that's a pretty regular occurrance. I'm totally fine. Maybe even losing weight! Just sweating! And so easy!

Addendum #2 I do feel bad for the cats, though. And also... um, I feel sort of bad for my neighbors, who have probably decided they live next door to a flesh-eating zombie of the night who was just this morning -- at 4 a.m. -- tying up her tomatoes with leftover bits of Noro and some Red Heart, muttering all the while about how scientific she was, what with her scientific experiment to see if the tomato branches tied with Noro would produce more fruit than those tied with Red Heart. Hi ya'll! Blanche here! Don't mind me! Yarn and tomato experiments! Wanna come over?