Jan.13, 2005
I heard that Jay (see my friends' profiles) got pregnant some time before.
I should be happy about that, and I sure am. However, half of me feel sad. I cannot deny the feeling.
I had a miscarriage 3 months ago. I was devastated when the gynecologist told me my baby had died in my uterus. Because I was indescribably happy having a new life inside me for a while, I felt like I was thrust off the cliff and fell head-down into the darkness.
........Well, I am over it so don't worry !
I regretted nearly everything I had done for the first couple of weeks but everyone around me, especially Yoshi, kept consoling me and cheering me up. Feeling grateful, I came to get over it. Plus, this is not one of the hardships I had in the past.
I thought I was 100 % all right but I wasn't, it seems like.
Whenever I see or hear something to do with pregnancy, babies and parenting, I feel kind of sad.
Some of my friends are pregnant too. That may sound strange to you but, it was me who asked how it was going and once I heard how they were spending prenatal life, I start to envy them. I can't help imagining if my baby was still alive...
I don't want any mishap to them for sure. I just can't stop myself feeling sad.
I feel bad for Jay because I feel this way. I hope she didn't smell my feeling by the tone of my voice when we talked on the phone. I didn't mean that. Honestly!
I heard that Jay (see my friends' profiles) got pregnant some time before.
I should be happy about that, and I sure am. However, half of me feel sad. I cannot deny the feeling.
I had a miscarriage 3 months ago. I was devastated when the gynecologist told me my baby had died in my uterus. Because I was indescribably happy having a new life inside me for a while, I felt like I was thrust off the cliff and fell head-down into the darkness.
........Well, I am over it so don't worry !
I regretted nearly everything I had done for the first couple of weeks but everyone around me, especially Yoshi, kept consoling me and cheering me up. Feeling grateful, I came to get over it. Plus, this is not one of the hardships I had in the past.
I thought I was 100 % all right but I wasn't, it seems like.
Whenever I see or hear something to do with pregnancy, babies and parenting, I feel kind of sad.
Some of my friends are pregnant too. That may sound strange to you but, it was me who asked how it was going and once I heard how they were spending prenatal life, I start to envy them. I can't help imagining if my baby was still alive...
I don't want any mishap to them for sure. I just can't stop myself feeling sad.
I feel bad for Jay because I feel this way. I hope she didn't smell my feeling by the tone of my voice when we talked on the phone. I didn't mean that. Honestly!
And I wanna tell you, you're really happy. Because look at me! I'm in 30s, but I can't find the right man yet! If I can't marry anyone near future, I wouldn't be able to expect any babies from my age. I really envy you~~.
And I am embarassed that I was whining here.
I am all right!
I mean, I am not all OK but, .... it can't be helped, right?
I may be feeling sad again if someone pregnant is in front of me.
I can't help feeling that way because the sad thing already happened and it will never be changed.
I have to take it and I will.
So I am all right.
And again, you are right.
I am waiting for my next angel falling into my belly. He/she sure will make me happy again!
You shouldn't envy me
I am so sure you will meet your soul mate!
(I don't really believe in a soul mate, though. Heh, heh.)
Or I should say ...
"you will go grab your right guy!!"