Oct 22, 2005 
/ 
Ah...., it is my sister's birthday today. I didn't give her a present nor even say "Happy birthday." Shoot! I saw her this afternoon!!! She mentioned our aunt to be mailing her a gift. I was like, "Whoa! It is your birthday!! C...c..congratulations!" Sounded totally forgotten.
Do you think I can make it up by sending a be-lated gift? Anyway,
My dad's house is now nearly empty but my room.
As I posted a week ago, he is moving out of his house which he, my sister and I have been living over ten years. He was paying back the mortgage for the house but couldn't afford it any more. He sold it off and bought a second-hand house with the balance after paying off.
I didn't finish packing last week because I was trapped by albums and pictures of the past. Typical, isn't it? So today I was so determined not to be distracted. ... I packed and packed and packed... but you know, it has been my room for 12 years. I kept everything in the room. It was really like my big time capsule. I couldn't perfectly resist the temptation and look into some stuffs a bit. .... only a bit though!
I was quite imaginative that I made comic books when I was in my teens and early 20s. Yes, in fact, I personally published some comics as well as wrote short novels and something.
My pieces of work were not necessarily professional but fairly artistic. --- am I praising myself? heheh, --- I questioned that I used to have a lot to express but what about now?? I am kind of killed by reality. I somehow stopped drawing or writing. How could I stop doing although I really loved it? I created those stuffs just like naturally breathing.
..... oh, that's why I am not psychologically alive now.
I haven't faced it seriously but I realized that I haven't felt happy for a long time. I mean, I am happy but.... it feels like part of my heart that feel happiness doesn't work properly...
Now I figured out why. Because I throw away something very precious for me.
What am I going to do? I can't go back. Can I be artistic again? I don't know... but it is kind of obvious that it is the way I could be happy once again...
hmmmm.... am I whining again?
Yes, I am. I know I am crazy! It maybe PMS or I might have depression. No one understand it but I do. People say I am imagining it but I do... Otherwise what else can explain this kind of ocean-deep melancholic feeling? I am hanging on for years but ... it is exhausting.
.... Oops, I am digressing.
Well, I felt like drawing again when I read the books I made. I guess it is a good start to get out of the stupid depression.
And, be happy for me! I packed nearly everything! I made it!! I brought three big boxes home. Tens of other boxes go to Dad's new house. More detail, Dad's "ware"house. His new house includes a back shed, which had been half fallen apart but was repaired.
/ Ah...., it is my sister's birthday today. I didn't give her a present nor even say "Happy birthday." Shoot! I saw her this afternoon!!! She mentioned our aunt to be mailing her a gift. I was like, "Whoa! It is your birthday!! C...c..congratulations!" Sounded totally forgotten.
Do you think I can make it up by sending a be-lated gift? Anyway,
My dad's house is now nearly empty but my room.
As I posted a week ago, he is moving out of his house which he, my sister and I have been living over ten years. He was paying back the mortgage for the house but couldn't afford it any more. He sold it off and bought a second-hand house with the balance after paying off.
I didn't finish packing last week because I was trapped by albums and pictures of the past. Typical, isn't it? So today I was so determined not to be distracted. ... I packed and packed and packed... but you know, it has been my room for 12 years. I kept everything in the room. It was really like my big time capsule. I couldn't perfectly resist the temptation and look into some stuffs a bit. .... only a bit though!
I was quite imaginative that I made comic books when I was in my teens and early 20s. Yes, in fact, I personally published some comics as well as wrote short novels and something.
My pieces of work were not necessarily professional but fairly artistic. --- am I praising myself? heheh, --- I questioned that I used to have a lot to express but what about now?? I am kind of killed by reality. I somehow stopped drawing or writing. How could I stop doing although I really loved it? I created those stuffs just like naturally breathing.
..... oh, that's why I am not psychologically alive now.
I haven't faced it seriously but I realized that I haven't felt happy for a long time. I mean, I am happy but.... it feels like part of my heart that feel happiness doesn't work properly...
Now I figured out why. Because I throw away something very precious for me.
What am I going to do? I can't go back. Can I be artistic again? I don't know... but it is kind of obvious that it is the way I could be happy once again...
hmmmm.... am I whining again?
Yes, I am. I know I am crazy! It maybe PMS or I might have depression. No one understand it but I do. People say I am imagining it but I do... Otherwise what else can explain this kind of ocean-deep melancholic feeling? I am hanging on for years but ... it is exhausting.
.... Oops, I am digressing.
Well, I felt like drawing again when I read the books I made. I guess it is a good start to get out of the stupid depression.
And, be happy for me! I packed nearly everything! I made it!! I brought three big boxes home. Tens of other boxes go to Dad's new house. More detail, Dad's "ware"house. His new house includes a back shed, which had been half fallen apart but was repaired.
I think you are one of the happiest people who truly love their job.
You know, not so many people find their job interesting. Most of them rather feel bored while they are working. How empty it would be, you have got to spent most of your time at work but you felt it is boring.
You are lucky!!
As for me, I am looking for what is really good for me. Or maybe it is just a matter of how I see the job.
It has been 2 months since I started a new job. I am getting used to it little by little. I am getting to see what I am doing. Now it is about time I could find it interesting or not.
I think artist should be special and abnormal.
So, the person can give something.
Normal thinking can’t understand it.
You should believe only you.
John Lennon said “I am thinking about music while looking sea long time.
Until I am sleep, I continue to think it.
This is my strongest point.
At that time, I understand ability of making idea isn’t so different compare with John Lennon and us, but he can think very long time without suffering.
Now, I am thinking about machine until morning to sleeping as John Lennon, because I am mechanical engineer and my designed machine is one of art. Everybody said you are one of company man, but I don’t think so.