Session 3

May 8, 2000

Sliema, Malta # 3

Report: last night at 9 PM I through up. For diner I had two stuffed zucchini and before I had instant cup noodles. Usually I don’t eat anything instant but...

- in the last two days I’ve diarrhea. Frequent. I have heavy headache and sometimes I feel dizzy in these last couple of days. I went to Gozo this weekend and I ate grilled chicken but its color was red (uncooked) and after I ate the chicken I felt bad. This morning I had a strong headache and felt dizzy.

- I still have the feeling like I want to escape from Malta. I had made the arrangements to go to Gozo but I didn’t visit anywhere in Gozo, I just stayed for two days in the hotel room. It was comfortable like Sicily was, even more. So I was in the Jacuzzi and even they had an outside pool but I stayed indoors pool. I was with my friend who also wanted to escape from Malta.

- I just worry about when I go back to Japan whether or not anything will happen.

- even when I try to visit another place it is just escaping.

- I was informed that my minister in church at home got married. He must be over 70 years old. He had lost his wife three years ago. I don’t want to rely on unseen; I can realize Jesus’ existence by not God. Something happened to me or to someone else it is like a tricky thing. Some people says it is God’s power, but I don’t believe that kind of power. Tricky things like: my eldest brother had gotten married 8 years ago and they really wanted to have a baby but couldn’t conceive for a long time. Everyone is getting to give up on the baby but after they have new baby last month depends on people some kind of people said it’s by God’s help but I can’t say that.

- I don’t think that it is important that my mind – always need right information, enough to know. I want to say that knowledge is not knowledge that is normal (that is not coming at the end) so I can’t get everything. I want to recognize my knowledge. I thing I have some border from my knowledge because it is quite a big... if I do some action I need some information and knowledge as much as possible this is my limitation. Everyone has their own limitation. I want to know my limitation because I have never been satisfied, my experience and knowledge when I want to do something new in the past I’ve never been satisfied. Because I always feel that it is not enough. I always feel a lack of something. The world is so huge but I’m not in a hurry, I think.

- I think people want someone else to understand themselves but sometimes I feel it is a bad thing, I feel that I am so egoistic *(why? Because then are not me.)

- what is going on now? Huge word is forming in my brain...a friend told when people think and create something with words all the time but I can’t agree with him. He said that people think feel everything, their feelings, emotions comes from words. I just say it can’t be just be words.

Clearing:

- State: alive, waking up. I want to look in the brains of genius Decorates, Picaso

- Physical sensation: eyes, deep

- Feeling: calm, yet away. I was seeing flowers, but was away. It was familiar but it just wasn’t mine.

Entry: Faces state

1. THERAPY – SERVANT - FACILITATION TO HELP ME MAINTAIN MY RECORDS - Therapy for the Record Keeper: The direction of the Spirit / Soul / Essence is turned away from the Body and it creates a field of resentment (this is the bank out of which the record keeper has to try and respond to the task of giving you information about how you can live your life in the direction of you true human potential. In short, it doesn’t know because you, the owner, need to create it. And if this stalemate goes on indefinitely and never the twain shall meet you will be accumulating an increasing amount of more resentment adding to the pile already created by you ancestors.)

Therapy for the Record Keeper servant: Scleranthus Bach Flower

2. Subtle Body Therapy: Treatment is for all your ancestors - continue Ttt files: Have a Pow-Wow with your diverging aspects (soul - body, for the benefit of you and your ancestors)

Session 2

May 1, 2000

Sliema, Malta # 2

Report: I received a post card from New York. I was so happy because it is absolutely surprised me. She had contacted to my mom and sent that way. But my boyfriend and my father and mother sent me letters but I’ve not received them yet. After that I received a photo of my new nephew. He was born after I left Tokyo. It was really cute. This is the first time I’ve seen a really new baby. At first when I saw it I was a little scarred. The umbilicus and I felt so strange. This was reflecting for me. I feel so real lie and I felt something moving and enlivening from that picture. After I received these photos I went to Mdina two days ago and I saw the wind or felt wind on the way I saw some farm and grass moving and I feel something. There is an awakening sensitivity here in Malta.

- but I think in previous weeks I was so terrible. So I’m not getting to normal yet, I think.

- even in Tokyo I feel nothing, that is why I travel a lot. I always look for something. I always think that Tokyo is not right for me. And then I often go to New York (10 or more times) and while staying in New York I feel better than Tokyo. The first two weeks of coming back to Tokyo is ok but after that it goes back to same feeling.

- with respect to that fact that my family is also in Tokyo...(long pause) ... I don’t know I just feel some part of my mind I accept Tokyo but most of my mind I refuse, something especially the people who live there. Like following new trends, they have no opinion so I can’t enjoy conversations. Much better in the country side. In conversation I just want to know their feeling but everyone told me it is not their feeling it is just that they use feeling of others. (I can trust only my family, just close knit family.)

- before I came here I thought my problem was just Tokyo, now it is here. I found that the problem is not Tokyo. It is like a shell I have family in my country and my house is like a shell. It doesn’t matter where we live, Tokyo or America. Since I came here I joined to new family and I feel so comfortable in my host family. I made like a shell so I always want to be or stay home and I don’t want to go out but my host mother and host father to go out on Friday and Saturday nights. But I hate to go to disco or noisy place. I think the problem is just me.

- the people around me may be stuck like my friends, have no time and no space for listening to my feelings and opinions just they spend time in a wasteful way. This is my point and it is so sad. So most people doing the same way of wasting time so I can’t share with them.

Clearing:

- State: first every thing is white like a canvas, and then two children running around me, it’s like just I eel and they were blue and I heard their voice just laughing voice and then they were gone. The color is changing to light grey (not grey it is kind of white but a little darker than the first white) and then I couldn’t realize what they were just only many kinds of colors put...no floor, wall there was nothing: space. But just like snow but everything has its own color like blue, yellow and all are pastel colors. They that is all. This is a common state. I’m not in it, always there is trouble to explain my feelings

- Physical sensation: the existence only

- Feeling: floating...

Entry: Faces state

1. THERAPY - FACILITATION TO HELP THE LOGOS - Support for the Servant of the Blue Print of the Human: 1) I need to find my fulcrum within me (p 2055) + 2) I must restore my guidance through letting go of this Emotional Lock (p 1670) + 3) Shadow of yin

1) I need to find my fulcrum within me - I MUST BECOME AWARE OF HOW THE UNSEEN AFFECTS MY ESSENCE - and bring all the parts of me back into my self: including being present or living in this world

Note: Signal: a sensation in the eyes, not gritty, but a pain or irritation. Usually both eyes together.

Fulcrum in this sense is about an aspect of the Self - esoteric in nature - which has gone out of the body, and is thus an external frame of reference rather than internal. Find the fulcrum by TL, or by first asking the client to sense where they are drawn to, when their eyes are shut and they sense their bodies. Are they taken out of their bodies? is there an external place? Is there are corresponding place that TL’s on the body. Bring the external fulcra back into the body. Get them to do it.

Get the patient to ‘access’ the place where this reference point has gone - there will be a binary change as they place their awareness upon this. Find the part of their body - approximately - that this fulcrum needs to go back into to. Allow the patient to do this. They will feel the shift take place - treat them with Subtle bodies therapy if necessary, aftrewards; this will hold it in.

The idea of a fulcrum or place within which we take a ‘ point of stand or reference’ being outside of us, may alien to many; however we place these external references all the time. They make reality seperate from us.

2) I must restore my guidance through letting go of this Emotional Lock - INTEGRITY of GUIDANCE - I NEED TO RESTORE THE CAPACITY TO BE GUIDED BY AN INNER FEELING AND DISTINGUISH THIS FROM EMOTIONS - Emotional lock: which prompt me to use control as a defense mechanism

Note: A file relating to an obsessive quality at the emotional level - a reflective capacity applied to a feeling unexpressed. Held by the animal force, whilst seen and viewed through a reflective state, yet unexpressed.

Comment on Control:

Key Concepts: Defense stemming from old heartbreaks; fear of trusting self and others.

Control comes about hen two parts of your mind want to go in different directions. There is a fear that if you go forward in one direction, the other will lose completely, and so there is a stalemate which stops you moving forward. When you’re in this stage o life, it can feel as if you are in a desert, coming to oases only now and then. Because people are as afraid of success as they are of failure, control can show itself in a number of ways. When you are truly successful, you are going with the flow of life, but your ego labels that as being ‘out of control’.

Although we try to control ourselves and other people so that good things happen for everybody around us, control actually comes out o fear. It is a defence, an attempt to protect ourselves. But people naturally resist control (we even resist our own control). It’s not surprising then that when we try to ‘protect’ ourselves and others through control, power struggles ensue, resulting in even more hurt and heartbreak. So control, like any defence, brings about what it’s trying to prevent. As an attempt to keep yourself safe, it limits your horizons. In any attempt to keep your partner safe as a source to fulfil your needs, you are dulling them.

Control creates power struggle in relationships. Wanting things our way, or creating a problem, can be a hidden way to fight for what we want ミ a form of tantrum. In a relationship, one person can have a problem which is actually an attempt to manipulate the other; while the other, as a way of ‘fighting’ back, appears nonchalant, unaffected or independent.

With this issue highlighted, you are being asked to communicate and trust. Let go of your idea of how it should be, so that you can see the best it can be. Look more deeply at any problems or other issues going on now in your life. Ask yourself, who might you be trying to control by having these problems, and how might you be using problems, issues or people to control yourself? Receiving this card is an invitation for you to integrate the two sides o the conflict, one side of which may be projected out as another person giving you this problem.

You are being asked to take a risk in opening yourself up, in sharing yourself and in moving forward. Trust would give you the confidence you need for this movement. Trusting in yourself, and / or trusting in heaven’s strength, will lead you forward easily.

3) Shadow of yin: This understanding below is an expression of the ‘way things may have been’ for you. That is walking around in the dark, unconsiously. This is something to continue in for a while and will phase out as you grow from within.

I Ching Hex 2 YIN

Commentary: Recognize that friend is the creative, inspiring force behind your relationship. You must respond fully and sympathetically. It is your responsibility to fulfill the relationship on a material, physical, sensual plane. Inspired by Friend’s beauty, Friend’s spirit or Friend’s mind, you blossom and wilt, caress and withdraw, take hold and let go in an entirely selfless and sympathetic response to Friend. {This shows the potential position you are in.{

Line 4: The sack is tied up. No guilt. No praise.

Refrain from expression of any kind. Move through the world as if in a dark, sewed-up sack. This is a time for complete detachment.

Note: This is a force of a yin state that is occluding the Light from God. This is like the shadow of the Earth. It is created by the beings that are generically called the djinn. It is matriarchal in nature, affecting the soma.

Essential oil: Frankincense, distributed over the hara.

2. Subtle Body Therapy: Nurture own qualities + state of being

Paid LM 100

Bal due: Lm 245

Reportについてのおことわり

長い間、沈黙を続けておりましたが、

未だ、マルタのエッセイを続けていく気にはなれず、

原稿も先月まで勤めていた会社にCDRを忘れてきたため、

かなり途方に暮れております。

私のHOTMAILにケヴィンから送ってもらったセッションレポートを

ここに転載させていただきますが、

あまりに個人的な内容のため、

これを日本語に要約して公表するにいたりません。

申し訳ございませんが、原文のままの掲載でお許しください。




何かの証しとして残れば幸いです。

Session 1

Dear Koko,

Here is the report of the session work which we have done today. Good work, good beginning. Let me know if you have any questions.

Take care,

Kevin


April 24, 2000

Sliema Malta # 1

Report: at least before I came Malta I can feel like the painting is so beautiful but since I came here I see nothing, I couldn’t feel beautiful or dirty...I just keep going to school and go back home. But in Sicily everything touched me...when I saw a old building etc I could feel nice. But when I came back here I could see nothing. Even bad feeling I couldn’t feel, I don’t feel bored or excited.

- I can’t imagine anything right now, whether or not I want to know myself or whether I don’t want to know myself. This is according to feeling. The mind is so busy. I couldn’t sleep very well in these days. I feel my brain is always awake. Especially in this last weekend.

- since I came here I couldn’t open my Japanese books. But last night I could read that book. I was so surprised. I couldn’t understand what was going on.

Clearing:

- State: when I was 11 years old my paternal grandfather passed away, after that my grandmother and my father (she was his step mother) they cut off from each other; because she owned everything. He just wanted to leave from my step-grandmother. But I didn’t know what was going on in my family as I was so young. Suddenly my father and mother told me you don’t have to speak to those relatives. My father said to just believe in your own family. My mother at that time was so nervous and she lost weight and so I just wanted to know what was going on but no one explained and described for me. I just remember my childhood in elementary school before eleven. Sometimes I can remember but especially 3-6 I don’t remember. I just remember that I really hate noisy sound (my grandfather used to play Majan and I really hated that sound. But after he passed away I didn’t hear that kind of sound anymore, so...in my elementary school most of the schools go to private junior high so we had to study for exams from age 9-12 i had to study hard. But my mother and father didn’t say go to private school (top school) they never told me but I think to go to private school is normal for us so I chose to go by myself. I passed the tests and I entered private junior ? university. All women school. In my school lie I learned one thing, never believe women. Their feeling is so ‘dirty’. They care about such a small thing like what score I had in a small test etc. Nobody cared about my feeling and what my interests. I want to speak about my feeling and my interests and ask them likewise. It is so difficult to communicate with women especially the ones who goes to that type school for all women. When I was in HS I tried to see outside of school and I made some friends and they are still my friends. When I was 14 years old, the first time I went to the US to Seattle and SF. No one cared about my looks or score. So that is why I wanted to speak English and attended English club in school. And then my school had some study abroad program so second program is when I was 16 I went to England and I stayed one month with host family. Did Europe. I didn’t remember what I saw in Paris, Rome, London...i don’t remember anything. I’m sure I didn’t feel sad or anything I just don’t remember. After that program I was17 years old (usually in Japan HS has three grades, but I skipped one year and spent 5 years in university) that time was the worst in my life because...my friends had a party with boys but I couldn’t attend the party because I had another function to attend, but my school is so strict with rules so we can’t have any party or go to restaurant with only students but somebody told about this party to teacher so all my friends had to leave our school. I think that my friends told to the teacher but I didn’t. if I was free I would have gone to the party. But no one believed me so I tried to explain but everyone refused me. Even other students. So after they left our school they paid me back in a platform one of them pushed me from behind to the rail or they put me in a utility closet in a parking lot. So I couldn’t stand it so...I begged my father to change my school but he didn’t let me change my school because I chose it by myself so it is your responsibility. After that I had to take the exam for university, I didn’t want to go to the same university so that is why I didn’t write anything in my paper. But my school gave me a pass and I couldn’t believe anything: teacher, school mates etc. First I applied to English major but I changed to architecture, fortunately it was only me from my HS I could make new friends from outside of my HS. But one or two years later I couldn’t get into a train (subway) anymore. When I was on the train I didn’t feel that I could breath. I always needed a paper bag. In my university I studied so hard because I wanted to forget my past. But after rather during my graduate work I felt happy but after that I couldn’t feel anything (age 21). I felt empty. I always feel something like a pressure but I am not sure where it comes from . I think myself...if I do something all the time I control or handle (of course everyone does) but I feel so strong. I feel everything people, information things is coming to my head. So I always try to forget and think that it’s not coming, it’s not coming. I especially feel this in a train, in Tokyo.

Entry: Faces state

1. THERAPY ? OWNER - FACILITATION FOR THE OWNER REPRESENATIVE - Therapy for the Noble Human (angelic type nature)

Therapy for the Owner’s Representative

(the conscience?) The Noble mind simultaneously is touched by Heaven and earth

universal rate: 38022 7407: 1) I must walk with or be attentive of my inner state or NADIS (p 1404) + 2) Stone’s squat + 3) Primary diagnostic (p 4169)

1) I must walk with or be attentive of my inner state or NADIS - I NEED TO RESTORE THE ABILITY TO BE CONGRUENT IN MY ACTIONS THROUGH SENSING MY INNER LIGHT - or the Nadis; through switching on both left and right sides of myself: Has played the part of the village fool. As there has been a fundamental switch off from the time of being in the womb.

2) Stone’s Squat

3) Primary diagnostic: The primary thing which I would like to present as a diagnosis is... ..which is the form of something yet not its nature: Spinal tract & peripheral nervous system

2. I NEED TO RESTORE A WIDE AND OPEN CONSCIOUSNESS SO THAT MY HEMISPHERES ACT AS ONE - Non Hemispheric Integration: through dealing with what happened to me while I was in my mother’s womb

Note: Unable to integrate both hemispheres. Different from a segmented state - this is more cultural in origin, where by communities can create a bias toward Homolateral state.

3. Subtle Body Therapy: Overstimulation ? rate: Mental etheric body ? 61769

色気

はぃ、どうも。


かなり土いじりにはまってしまった私です。


食べ物だけだと色気がないので、


寄せ鉢なんかもやってみました！