今年の春は哲学の春。
考えさせられる事があったり。
唸ってしまうような言葉をかけられたり。
今まで我慢してきたことが我慢できなくなったり。
たぶんね。人生の転機なんだろうと思う。
いつもなら引っ越しでもして変化をつけて
乗り切るんだけど。
今回はそうもいかず。
引っ越しなみの変化をつけるっていうのも
なかなか難しいねぇ。
でも動かないとね。
Spring.
One of my good friends died, this spring. She is much older than me, she was a thoughtful person, and she had humor, kindness, and was a lovely person. Actually, she was my model of how to be a good mother. We shared a lot of things. I was really, really sad when I heard the news that she had passed way.
But a while after, I heard more shocking stories than I’d ever imagined. She left a memo, and it made all her family confused and gave them deep sorrow. I can’t understand what she wanted to do with that. I can’t understand why she did such a stupid thing. I thought she loved her family a lot, but she left them the anger of her life. I can’t understand who she was anymore.
The way she did this was horrible, but I finally got the answer to things which I had been thinking about for a long time, and which had made me annoyed. How do I want to have my life? That was my question. First I thought I don’t want to die as she did, leaving a lot of anger and giving a lot of sadness to the people I loved. I want to be a good person even after I died. But what is the good person? I couldn’t get this answer, and I was stuck.
But I watched ‘Lyra’, this spring. I think I could get my answer about a good person. I want to have a good daemon. You know, that little animal that is always with you. That is the truth of people, and soul, I thought. I want to grow my daemon little by little, and I want to have a good soul. If you are beautiful on the outside, and you are clever and rich and famous, it doesn’t mean anything. What kind of daemon you’ve got is more important. Then, now I could see, so, what I have to do, what I shouldn’t do now. Some of the things are difficult but I have to start. After I started to think about that I feel much better and happy. Like I got a good rulebook for my life, so I don’t have to be confused anymore.