この面白さが分かるかな？
To celebrate their silver anniversary, a couple went to Niagara Falls and asked a motel clerk for a room. "We only have the honeymoon suite available," the clerk told them.
"My wife and I've been married 25 year," the man said. "We don't need the honeymoon suite."
"Look, buddy," replied the clerk. "I might rent you Yankee Stadium, but you don't have to play baseball in it!"
このジョークは使えそうだね、、。
Two businessmen walk into a diner in the countryside. They have decided to stop there for lunch, so without ordering anything they sit down, take out sandwiches from their bags and begin to eat them.
The waiter sees this and says to them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
So the businessmen look at each other, shrug, and swap sandwiches.
こんなジョークもありだね、、。 笑うに笑えない、、。
The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step.
She asks, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
The man says, "Sure you can." And he closes the door.
これは笑えるね、、。 ガスメーター検査員は走っては駄目ですね、、。
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.
As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.
Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"
夫婦の間でもコミュニケイションは難しいね、、。
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom, smiling but looking a little nervous, leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-rising flour, right?"
チョット難しいかも、、。 なかなか頭の良いお母さんだね、、。
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Her parents divorced, but that never stopped her from wanting to get married. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear. A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother. Jennifer asked her stepmother to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding."
なるほどね、、。別の見方をすれば、、、正しいね。
Lady (to her doctor): "What l am worried about is my height and not my weight."
Doctor: "How come?"
Lady: "According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches."
子供のジョークだけど、チョット早とちり、、だね。子供だから仕方ないか。
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"
妻は怒るだろう、、ね、。
I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported that my dog really missed me. "She spends the night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said.
"What an example of true love," I replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?"
"Honey," my wife answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."
Woman: Do you love me?
Man: Yes, dear.
Woman: Would you die for me?
Man: No... mine is an undying love.
なるほど、、。私もやってみようかな？ でも、このように話しかける事が出来る若いご婦人はいるかな？
It's Black Friday and mall is packed with shoppers and Frank can't find his wife. He goes up to a very attractive woman and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I cannot see my wife, and I know that she is here in the shopping mall somewhere. Can you just talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The attractive woman replies, "Why?"
Frank replies, "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife materializes out of thin air."
素晴らしい、、理にかなっていますね。 この取り締まり警察官は頭が良いね。
A cop pulls a guy over for speeding. The guy tries to defend himself by saying, "I was just going with the flow of traffic."
The Cop replies, "Ever go fishing?"
"Yeah."
"Ever catch ALL the fish?"
女性の方が上手ですね、。
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was approached by a friend who laughingly remarked, "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?"
"Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the widow replied.
"What stopped him?"
"I started talking about my next husband."
このジョークは、ジョークではなくて、実際に使えるかも知れませんし、現実的ですね。
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Paris on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title, and everything works out.
The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and the loan officer enjoy a good laugh at the woman's expense for using a new Mercedes Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the woman returns. She repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a li! ttle puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return unharmed?"
なるほどね、、。もう少し歌が上手ければ、、、。
My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"How come?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."
