Golf Jokes: Once An Engineer, Always An Engineer

なるほど、一理あるね、、。さすがはエンジニア―ですね。

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Joke: One Age Fits All

なかなか面白い話だね。女性は常に若く見られたい、、。

 

A woman was shopping for something to wear to her 50th high school reunion when a group of teenage girls came into the same shop to try on dresses for their school formal.

“Gross,” complained one girl loudly to her friends, “this dress makes me look 40 years old!”

“May I have it?” called out the lady. “That’s just what I’m looking for!”

Joke: Spell it

よくこう言う事ってあるよね‼️

最後はめんどくさくなって、どうでもよい、、と思う事が、。

Pete: "What's that you have in your buttonhole?"
Donald: "That's a chrysanthemum."
Pete: "It looks like a rose to me!"
Donald: "Your wrong, its a chrysanthemum."
Pete: "Then spell it."
Donald: "K-r-i-s.....your right, it is a rose."

Joke: Shopping in a Hurry

笑って下さい！　Check me out !

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express lane where the clerk was talking on the phone with the back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."

Joke: Chop sticks

この会話のやり取りを笑える余裕を持ちましょう。

　

（FaceBook)

 

A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter said, "Chopsticks are provided only on request."

"But," the man countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have to pay someone to wash all the forks."

"True," the waiter shot back, "but we'd have to hire two more people to sweep the floor."

今日のジョーク

今日のジョーク、この若者は論理的な話の筋を作っているね！偉い!

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?"
"Absolutely not!" replied the pastor.
"In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July?"

Joke: College Educated Son

久しぶりのジョークです。　笑ってやって下さい。

"When are you going to fix that front fence," said the farmers wife.

"Next week when Johnny Jr. comes home from college," replied Johnny Sr.

"What will the boy know about fixing a fence?"

"He ought to know a heap. He wrote me that he'd been taking fencing lessons for over a month."

Joke: Complete vs Finish

簡単なジョークだけど、意味があるね、、。

 

Wife: What is difference between complete and finish?

Husband: When you met me, you were complete. When I met you, I was finished."
 

 

Joke: A voice for the raido

そうですよね、、。ラジオなら、、出来ますね。

Hearing his wife as she sings, the husband says, "You know dear, when you sing like that I just wish you were on the radio."

The wife smiles and replies, "Wow honey, you think I am that good?"

"No, but at least that way I can change the station or turn it off."

Joke: Turn him around

これはドクター　ジョーク。　何とも言えない面白さ、、。

Nurse: "Doctor, doctor! The man you've just treated collapsed on the front step! What should I do?"

Doctor: "Turn him around, so it looks like he was just arriving!"

 

It is opportunity

簡単なジョークだけど、このセンテンスを考えた人は、ユーモアがある人だね、、。

 

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Opportunity!

That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

Joke: Faking your age

なるほど、、。これは良い手だ、、。

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty.

“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well," he replied, "I said I was 87!"

 

Joke: Owed Money

なるほどね、、。こういう手もありか、、。参考になりそうだ。

A man went to his lawyer and asked him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owes you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"

Joke: Lost money

この青年は頭が良いね。　落とした札束を見つけ出す良策、、？　

 I was standing in line in a bank one day when a teenager called out in a loud voice, "Did anyone lose a big wad of bills with a rubber band around it?"

Two men and a woman quickly called out, "I did!"

The teenager responded saying, "Well I found the rubber band!"

Joke: Results are out

思った以上に最悪、、。友人も頭がいいね。

A boy says to his friend, "Today my test results are out and my dad is at home. If I fail in one subject, text me saying ‘good morning to you’. If I fail in two, text me ‘Good morning to you and to your dad.’"

His friend agreed. Minutes later the boy gets a text from his friend. “Good morning to you and to your family and to your neighbors also!"