坐るより歩くWalk rather than Sit

7年前に仕事絡みで

ストレスが極限に達した時があった

There was a time when work related stress

-has reached its limit point around 7 years ago

雇った人を解雇すべきだったが

I should have dismissed an employee but

情に流されて解雇できず

I could not fire him because of emotionally related with him

その人がもたらした損害を被ることになった

So, I became to suffering some losses which was caused by him

彼を教育して使える者にするか

Whether train him by education to make himself productive

私の損だから関係を切るか

 -or cut him off because he brings disadvantage to me

両極端な結果になる判断をしなければならなかった

I had to make a decision that would be an extreme result as above

だが、彼にも改善できる機会を与えたかったのもあり

However, I also wanted to give him opportunities to improve

また彼の年齢上、経験不足から起因した未熟さを

-moreover, his immatureness that came from unexperienced due to his age

彼だけの責任にしたくなかったのもあり

I did not want for him only to take his responsibility

新人を教育したい上司の気持ちと

-and I had feeling as a boss that willing to train a newcomer

利得を出せる人を雇わなければならない

経営者としての立場や

As my position of manager that I should hire an employee

-who can make advantage 

彼を長年知ってきた個人的な関りもありで

-and also, personally I have known him for many years

どんな決断をしても

No matter what decision I make

一方は必ず苦痛になる状況になった

-one side, he or I will be suffered after all

私はどっちも選択できなかった

I could not choose his merit or mine

ただ時期を待つことになり

It became to just waiting for a timing

私の損害は増えていって

In a while, my deficit was increasing

私が生き残るためには

In order for me to survive

彼か私かを決断しなくてはならない状況に差し迫った

I was imminently faced on a desperate situation that

-should have decided whether he or I

だが、私はまだどっちも選択できなかったので

But still, I could not choose either yet

僧侶にどうすべきかを尋ね

Asked an advice to a priest what I should do

心理学の書籍を読み直し

Reviewed psychologic books

坐禅も行い

Had some sessions of Zen-meditation

経営経験が豊かな人にどう判断すべきかを聞いた

I asked some advices to a person who

-had richer management experiences about how to decide

それらのアドバイスを聞いていた時は

When I was listening to those tips and suggestions

何かができそうな感じはしたが

I felt like I could do something

いざやることになると

But when it becomes to do actually

何もなすことができず何も変えることができなかった

I could not decide anything and could not change anything

それらが極限になって

Those were reached to extreme

もう限界を感じて

I felt that it was my limit at all

何も考えることはできなくなった

I became unable to think anything

その時ふっと、そうだ『歩こう』と思った

At that time suddenly, I thought yes,『Do Walk』

『滝を見に行こう』と思った

『Go and see a waterfall』I thought

電車に乗りバスに乗り換えて

I took a train and transferred to a bus

滝のある山奥まで歩いた

I walked into a mountain back where there is a waterfall

滝を見ながら何時間も座った

I sat there for hours to watching the waterfall

帰る時、バスや電車に乗る気がしなかったので

When I get home, I didn’t feel like take a train or a bus

60キロの帰り道を歩こうと思った

I thought to walk along on my way back home about 37miles

車もあまり走らない山道を一人で歩いた

I walked alone on some mountain road where even cars driving a few

ただ一人で歩いた

Walked only alone

歩いていると足が痛くなったが

While I was walking my legs got hurt

その足の痛みで心の痛みが忘れられた

But the legs’ pain let me forget my mental pains

山道を歩く恐怖で

With the fear walking on a mountain road

悩みが小さくなり

The troublesome in my mind was getting smaller

足から腰まで上がってきた痛みで

With the pain that came up from my foot to lower back

心の中で叫んでいた声が静まっていた

The lousy shouting voices were getting quieter

肉体の痛みのありがたさを痛感した

I was deeply aware a gratitude of physical pain

心の痛みより肉体の痛みは我慢しやすかった

Physical pain was easier to tolerate than mental pain in my mind

その歩いたことにより

By the walking

以後の決断による心の苦痛を

Later pains which come from decisions I made

受け容れるようになり

I have become able to take in

思いっきり苦しむことにもなり

It also made me take suffering without hesitate  

心の苦しみに真っ正面に立ち向かえるようになった

I became able to face on mental suffering on frontier  

もし、私が坐禅だけを行い

If I did Zen-meditation only

苦悩を無くすことだけに集中していたら

If I tried to focus on eliminating anguish only

その苦悩は一時期静まったかもしれないが

-the anguish might have quieted for a while

根本的な弱さは解決できなったかもしれない

But my fundamental weakness might not could be solved

坐禅の行いによって

By doing Zen-meditation

心の苦悩は確かに沈めることはできるが

It certainly can make tranquil mental anguishes

今、ここで、確かな決断をすることには

力不足かもと思った出来事でもあった

But what I learned from the walking was

Zen-meditation was not enough to solve such as

Making a definite decision at a certain time

-on specific place where it caused