思考の側面-Lateral of Cognition

思考を可視化することは可能か

Is it possible to visualize cognition?

自分が思っていることを外側から見られるか

Can we see what we think from the outside?

私が何かを思う時は

When I think of something

頭の中で何かが動き

Something is activating in my head

言葉に似たようなイメージが瞬間的に表れる

An image appears at that moment which resembling words

それから身体感覚が伴ってくる

After then my body sense comes along

私が坐禅を始めた8年か9年か前

When I started doing zazen 8 or 9 years ago

経営していた塾の仕事から関連したストレスが

Associated stress from the job which was a cram school I had

私が処理できる範囲を遥かに超え

The stress was far beyond the range that I could handle with

制御できなくなっていた

It became uncontrollable

心理学を専攻したことから

Since I majored psychology

ありとあらゆる心理治療に関する本を読んだが

Have read books on psychotherapy as I could

読んでいる瞬間は納得できて

The books I read were made sense to me at the time I was reading

ストレスの因果関係が見えてきたのだが

Although the consequence of stress has become to be seen

本を閉じるとストレスは理解できた分、更に巨大化していた

It became even bigger as the amount of comprehended, when I closed the book

心が狂い叫んで煩かった

Again, my mind was shouting crazy and lousy

常に心が重苦しく、息できない窒息感があった

My mind was always heavy and suffered, had felt suffocation

最後の試みとして坐禅を試した

I tried zazen as the last trial

やり方が書いてある本を横に置いて

Put the book aside which was written how to do

電気を消し

Turned off the light

蝋燭を灯してから

Lighten the candle

線香をあげ

Incensed the incense stick

和室の壁を向いて坐った

I sat toward to wall at the Japanese style room

そうすると頭の中から

As I sat, from my head

記憶が洪水のように溢れ出た

Memories overflowed like a flood

その日あったこと、誰かに言われたこと

Things that happened that day, things that someone told me

言われてどう感じたこと、私がどう見えてただろう

How I felt someone’s spoken, how I was seen

他人の顔が現れて、私の感情が言葉になって続く

Appeared someone else’s face, my feeling kept traced it as a word

ふっと、気が付くと

Suddenly, when I realized

記憶の海に溺れて沈んでいく自分が見えた

I saw myself who was sunken drowning into the sea of memory

『思考を切る』と書いてあった本を思い出した

I reminded the book written that『Cut the thought』

思考を追わない、そのために思考しなければならない

Don’t chase the thought, to cut it must think at first

思考を切るためにも先ずは考えなければならない

Due to cut the thought need to think in the process

何が思考で、切るべき思考は何なのか

What is thought, which thought I should cut to

何が記憶で、何が考えなのか

Which is memory, which is thought

そう思っているうちに

While I was thinking such

ポツンと目の前に

Pounded in front of my sight

石鹸の泡のような思考が広がっているのが見えた

I saw the thoughts was spreading out like a soap bubbles

その泡に焦点を合わせて見ると

With focusing on the bubbles

現れては消え、また現れ、また消えていく

Appearing and disappearing, it appeared again and disappeared again

私は後ろ側になり

I was set behind

思考が前に現れる

The thought appeared in front of me

その思考は言葉と感情が容れ混ざった

The thought was blended with words and emotions

決して美しい形ではなかった

It could never be a beautiful form

私は9年前のあの坐禅レベルに比べて

My present level of zazen to compare I had 9 years ago

それほど大きな伸展がなく

It is not improved enough

未だに思考を切ることができない

I yet can’t cut the thought

だが、坐禅の回数に伴い

However, with the numbers I have been doing sessions

ストレスは単なる記憶の動きにすぎないと分かってきた

I found out that stress is just an activation of memory

もし私が記憶の側面を全部見られるなら

If I can see all aspects of memory’s side sections

きっと、自我の中側から外側へと

Surely, my ego to outside from inside

卵の中から卵の外側へ

From the inside egg shell to outer egg shell

宇宙船に乗って宇宙の中へ

Taking a spacecraft to travel universe

狭い空間から広い空間に出られる境地を見られるかもしれない…

I may able to see the reaching point that I could be out to the huge space from narrow space…