友達から送られてきた英語のジョーク。笑っちゃいます。洋の東西を問わず高齢化社会で起こりえること。必ずしも笑えないかもしれませんが・・・。
ちょっと長めですが、お暇でしたら暇つぶしにどうぞ。
１）
A very elderly gentleman (mid-nineties) well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of an expensive after shave, and presenting a well-cared for image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, (mid eighties).
The gentleman walks over, sits down beside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
２）
The gentleman walks over, sits down beside her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
２）
Another elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a hearing aid that allowed the man to hear nearly perfectly.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for an evaluation after which the doctor said, "Your hearing is almost perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. But I have changed my will three times!"
３）
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a hearing aid that allowed the man to hear nearly perfectly.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for an evaluation after which the doctor said, "Your hearing is almost perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. But I have changed my will three times!"
３）
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
４）
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. T! he twogentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
５）
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
５）
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
６）
discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
６）
A couple in their nineties are having trouble remembering things. During a checkup, their doctor tells them that theyt are OK physically but they should start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man get up from his chair and asks his wife, "Do you want anything from the kitchen?"
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top,too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and yells, "Where's my toast?"
Later that night while watching TV, the old man get up from his chair and asks his wife, "Do you want anything from the kitchen?"
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top,too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and yells, "Where's my toast?"
７）
Three old guys are out talking a walk.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
８）
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
８）
Another senior citizen told his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4,000, but it's state of the art- perfect."
"Really, replied his neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Why, it's 12 o'clock. Why do you ask?"
９）
"Really, replied his neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Why, it's 12 o'clock. Why do you ask?"
９）
Morris, an 82 year old man went to his doctor for a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm, laughing and obviously enjoying himself.
The next day the doctor spoke with Morris on the phone, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a 'hot mamma' and be cheerful."
The doctor replies, "No, I didn't say that. I said 'You've got a heart murmur and be careful'."
１０）
The next day the doctor spoke with Morris on the phone, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a 'hot mamma' and be cheerful."
The doctor replies, "No, I didn't say that. I said 'You've got a heart murmur and be careful'."
１０）
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come onto my property and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"
"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"....
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Damn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come onto my property and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"
"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"....