The following is a conversation between me and my good friend today.
"When I was in junior high school and high school, I also read poetry by poets representing each country in Europe.
Many French poets, such as G. Apollinaire, J. Cocteau, A. Michaud, etc., were among them.
A poem has been coming to mind a lot recently.
It was Apollinaire: "I want to hold on to my best friend, without whom I can't live through any season, and the cat that jumps around between the books." It's a concise poem.
I have a wonderful best friend called you.
Just as I have been blessed with a mind in the realm of genius, you have been blessed with a genuine genius mind.
Not only that, you also have an incredibly wonderful heart, a heart of compassion, so to speak.
It is a proper stroke of luck that I have met you.
But as you know, as all my close acquaintances knew, I am a man among men.
In addition, I am good at sports and have always been in good health.
In 2011, while I was in hospital recovering from a serious illness, I realized the biggest mistake of my life.
There are only men and women in this world.
The world comprises men and women, just like all animals, which are males and females.
The doctor who first discovered my illness told me that I had a 25% chance of survival.
However, everyone is destined to die eventually.
I knew this from when I was young.
I thought about it.
That's why I wrote it clearly in my notebook at the time.
"Young people are fools."
I wrote it like that because young people are the worst at not thinking about death, which is the fate of all human beings.
2011, I was convinced that "I will not die now."
I couldn't die then, for one thing.
But there was something else that suddenly occurred to me in the hospital room.
I suddenly realized the vital significance and role of my family, which had always seemed distant to me, or, to put it bluntly, which I didn't have.
From a very young age, I had always felt that death was there.
So, even though I grew up in a port town facing the Pacific Ocean and was someone who would swim in the harbor and ocean, which I had no way of reaching, I never did things like my other stilt friends, the children of my age from my hometown, and would never go swimming in the Natori River back and forth or swim out to the distant ocean.
Especially the sea.
Most of the young people from my hometown would swim far out to sea.
They probably didn't know that... I, who was good at swimming and even called upon to participate in the school swimming competition, would never swim far from a certain point.
Everyone would swim out to sea, but I would always turn back at a certain point.
The reason for this was that the coldness of the water would suddenly make me feel lonely.
From my childhood, I had been hurt by domestic misfortune, and I was lonely.
At a certain point, the sea made me keenly aware of that loneliness.
I instinctively sensed that what lay beyond that loneliness was death.
Or rather, I didn't want to feel lonely even in the sea.
That's why I immediately turned back to the beach.
Being lonely often entails intense pain.
I finally reached the sea at Yuriage, famous for its rough waves.
However, the moment I thought I had made it, I was caught up in the waves and rolled around, and I managed to get to the beach with great difficulty.
It wasn't the first time it had happened.
So, I was not the person who would get into a water-related accident.
As I mentioned earlier, the moment I heard the name of my illness, I prepared myself for death in an instant.
However, I realized in the hospital room that.
I realized that you can only die in peace if you have a family, a loving family.
From a specific time in the beginning, I began to be most devoted to the poetry of Henri Michaux.
It was because his following poem was what I had been seeking more than anything or anyone else.
I long for a peace that is more than just "peace."
Because only when we have that peace can we die in peace.
I read H. Michaux as if he were another me.
Or rather, it is no exaggeration to say that he was another me.
Right now, I need a woman I can love.
I have to find her as soon as possible.
I must find someone who wants to be loved by me.
Love is a selfless act of mutual affection.
I must find her as soon as possible.
That is the great mission I must accomplish now.
I must meet the woman worthy of the Oda Nobunaga who lives in the present.
"When I was in junior high school and high school, I also read poetry by poets representing each country in Europe.
Many French poets, such as G. Apollinaire, J. Cocteau, A. Michaud, etc., were among them.
A poem has been coming to mind a lot recently.
It was Apollinaire: "I want to hold on to my best friend, without whom I can't live through any season, and the cat that jumps around between the books." It's a concise poem.
I have a wonderful best friend called you.
Just as I have been blessed with a mind in the realm of genius, you have been blessed with a genuine genius mind.
Not only that, you also have an incredibly wonderful heart, a heart of compassion, so to speak.
It is a proper stroke of luck that I have met you.
But as you know, as all my close acquaintances knew, I am a man among men.
In addition, I am good at sports and have always been in good health.
In 2011, while I was in hospital recovering from a serious illness, I realized the biggest mistake of my life.
There are only men and women in this world.
The world comprises men and women, just like all animals, which are males and females.
The doctor who first discovered my illness told me that I had a 25% chance of survival.
However, everyone is destined to die eventually.
I knew this from when I was young.
I thought about it.
That's why I wrote it clearly in my notebook at the time.
"Young people are fools."
I wrote it like that because young people are the worst at not thinking about death, which is the fate of all human beings.
2011, I was convinced that "I will not die now."
I couldn't die then, for one thing.
But there was something else that suddenly occurred to me in the hospital room.
I suddenly realized the vital significance and role of my family, which had always seemed distant to me, or, to put it bluntly, which I didn't have.
From a very young age, I had always felt that death was there.
So, even though I grew up in a port town facing the Pacific Ocean and was someone who would swim in the harbor and ocean, which I had no way of reaching, I never did things like my other stilt friends, the children of my age from my hometown, and would never go swimming in the Natori River back and forth or swim out to the distant ocean.
Especially the sea.
Most of the young people from my hometown would swim far out to sea.
They probably didn't know that... I, who was good at swimming and even called upon to participate in the school swimming competition, would never swim far from a certain point.
Everyone would swim out to sea, but I would always turn back at a certain point.
The reason for this was that the coldness of the water would suddenly make me feel lonely.
From my childhood, I had been hurt by domestic misfortune, and I was lonely.
At a certain point, the sea made me keenly aware of that loneliness.
I instinctively sensed that what lay beyond that loneliness was death.
Or rather, I didn't want to feel lonely even in the sea.
That's why I immediately turned back to the beach.
Being lonely often entails intense pain.
I finally reached the sea at Yuriage, famous for its rough waves.
However, the moment I thought I had made it, I was caught up in the waves and rolled around, and I managed to get to the beach with great difficulty.
It wasn't the first time it had happened.
So, I was not the person who would get into a water-related accident.
As I mentioned earlier, the moment I heard the name of my illness, I prepared myself for death in an instant.
However, I realized in the hospital room that.
I realized that you can only die in peace if you have a family, a loving family.
From a specific time in the beginning, I began to be most devoted to the poetry of Henri Michaux.
It was because his following poem was what I had been seeking more than anything or anyone else.
I long for a peace that is more than just "peace."
Because only when we have that peace can we die in peace.
I read H. Michaux as if he were another me.
Or rather, it is no exaggeration to say that he was another me.
Right now, I need a woman I can love.
I have to find her as soon as possible.
I must find someone who wants to be loved by me.
Love is a selfless act of mutual affection.
I must find her as soon as possible.
That is the great mission I must accomplish now.
I must meet the woman worthy of the Oda Nobunaga who lives in the present.
