And it is followed by:
― Since I came down with illness to this extent, I don’t have any hope for the future. People often talk of pessimism. But it is a matter of things in the time when they are able to move their arms and hands freely. When they are forced to be unable to use their bodies freely, there would be no difference between pessimism and optimism.
But although I have been troubled with many things every day, I still feel happy while alive. That startles myself.―
―I have come to have difficulty even in urinating two or three times a day.Then I think I should get not long before into coffin.―
Nevertheless, I don’t feel a kind of confusion of breathing in the words of these letters. Rather even in such severe conditions, in the letter of August 8, sent to Ishii Yuji, he informed him of the following information: “A friend of Hyootei’s with a doctor degree of agriculture, whom I also know, was transferred to the office in Akita Prefecture. And he wrote that he would like to make friends with the person who was engaged in the haiku…..Then I conveyed your name to him. And he have informed me through Hyootei that he wanted to know your address. So, if you have time, please visit him.”As shown here, he took care of others politely.
Although the illness progressed, the mind and spirit of Shiki was very stout. In December of the previous year,1985, at a teahouse in Dookan-yama, he was shocked with Kyoshi’s refusal to proceed to the path of succeeding his literary works.
― Until now also I have made efforts desperately. Now I am isolated alone. But at the same time the spirit of standing upon my own legs has been getting stronger and stronger. The time of my death will come sooner than before. My literature has come to near the climax. I now want to write something. But the paper has run out.
It’s run out! ―
This is the words of Shiki’s which is written in the end of the above-mentioned letter sent to Ioki Ryohzo(Hyootei) in December,1895. This is very impressive to me.
His struggle against illness lasted in the Kami-negishi,Tokyo house from then on. The day when Shiki ended his life was September 19,1902 (the 35th year of Meiji ). It is after about six and a half years since the end of 1895 (the 28th year of Meiji), when he became difficult in walking. He had already finished almost all the works in the area of haiku reform by 1895. Over the next six and a half years, a very short time, struggling against illness, he initiated various kinds of activities,such as proposing reform of tanka, advocating “Shasei-bun” (the sentence based on the concept of Shasei),and actually writing “Shasei-bun” articles himself and serializing “Bokujyuu-itteki” (a drop of the Indian ink) and others in Newspaper Nihon.
When I think of Shiki afresh now, the autumn in 1895, when Shiki rambled through the places in Matsuyama, was just the last days when, despite his delicate health condition, he was able to walk in the fields and mountains freely. The words he issued around that time sound good in my mind now.
「これ迄にやられてはもう望みも糞(くそ)もなくなり申し候(そうろう) 厭世(えんせい)などと申すは手足が利(き)く内の事にて手足が利かずなりては厭世も楽生も之(これ)なく候(そうろう) 只毎日うんうんいつてそれでもやつぱり生きてゐるのは嬉しかつたりする人間だから我ながらあきれ申し候(そうろう)」
「毎日二三度の小便が苦になるやうになっては入棺(にゅうかん)も遠からずとぞんじ居(お)り候(そうろう)」
等と書いていて、子規は病に苦しむ自分の心の裡を素直に吐き出している。
しかしそれでも、書かれた手紙の言葉の中に呼吸の乱れのようなものは、決して、感じられない。むしろこんな中にあっても、飄亭の友人で自分も知っている某農学博士が林務官となり秋田へ転勤した、俳句をする人と友達になりたいと言って来たのであなたことを言ったところ、是非所を教えてもらいたいと飄亭経由で言ってこられたので、あなたも時間があれば相手方へ出かけてみてはどうか、というような趣旨のことを書いており、丁寧に人の世話をやいている。
身体の病は進行しても、子規の精神は強靭だった。前年１２月道灌山の茶店で虚子から後継者継承の拒絶にあい、激しく心を動揺させた子規だった。
「今迄も必死なりされど小生は孤立すると同時にいよいよ自立の心つよくなれり 死はますます近きぬ 文学はやうやう佳境(かきょう)に入(い)りぬ 書かんと欲すれば紙尽(つ)く 渇ツ」
これは、前述の五百木良三（飄亭）に宛てた明治２８年１２月（１０日頃）に出された手紙の最後に記された子規の言葉である。まさに鬼気迫るものがある。
子規の闘病は、このあとも上根岸の宅で続く。子規がその生涯を閉じたのは、明治３５年９月１９日であった。歩行困難となった明治２８年の暮れからおよそ６年半の後である。明治２８年の時点で、俳句の革新についてはすでに子規の中では完成をみていたが、それに続いて、その後の６年有余、病と闘いながらの短い期間の中で、子規は短歌の革新を提唱し、又写生文を提唱して、自らも「墨汁一(ぼくじゅういっ)滴(てき)」等を新聞紙上に連載するなどの実践を試みている。
今改めて考えてみると、子規が松山市内を散策吟行した明治２８年の秋は、病を抱えていたとは言え、子規がまだ自由に野山を歩けた最後の頃だった。その頃に残した子規の言葉が、今私の中で懐かしく響く。
（注） 今回一部書き直を行い、引用文等へ振り仮名を付した。
初出：「原点」98号（平成21年4月発行）。
