I'm not allowed on the couch.

Reader's Digest 9月号の記事 'Laughter the Best Medicine' からの引用です。
A poodle and collie are walking down the street when the poodle suddenly confides to his friend. "My life is a mess." he says "My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German shepherd, and I'm as nervous as a hamster."
"Why don't you go see a psychiatrist," suggests the collie.
"I can't," says the poodle, "I'm not allowed on the couch."
犬にソファー禁止をしているのは良く分かりますが、"on the couch" にはジョークの落ちとなる別の意味もあるに違いありません。辞書を見ます。

・Oxford English Dictionary: Undergoing psychoanalysis or psychiatric treatment.: All of this sounds a bit too much like the analyst putting himself on the couch.
・Urban Dictionary: In therapy; undergoing talk therapy with a mental health professional, traditionally psychoanalysis.: Ben's been on the couch since he was 13, but he still hates his father.
なるほど、それで精神科の医者のところには行けないのですね。

65,000,011 years old

Reader's Digest 10月号の記事 'Laughter the Best Medicine' からの引用です。
Tourists at a natural history museum are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks a guard,
"Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,11 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist.

"How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were 65,000,000 years ofl when I started working here, and that was 11 years ago."