人から頂いた写真。
いいのがありますね、、、、
少しづつ紹介していきます。
またまた、怪鳥さんからの贈り物です。
Man: God?
God: Yes?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Of course!
Man: What's a million years to you?
God: A second.
Man: And a million dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, can I have a penny?
God: Yes, just wait a second.
THESE MORNING WALKS ARE KILLING ME!!!!
朝の散歩がこたえる
これも人の写真ですので、削除することもありと言うことでご了承ください。
MAN...I'M
GETTING SO FAT
I CAN HARDLY SCRATCH MY OWN BUTT!!
太りすぎちゃって、尻をかくのも大変だよ
お風呂から上がって、鏡を見て、、、、、いや、自分でも驚くほどぷっくらとしてまいりましたですね。性格が丸くなるのは嬉しいけど、、、、
人の写真です。
この日記は削除することもありますので、コメントをいただけるときにはそのことを前もってご了承ください。
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University Take your time and see if you can
Read each line aloud without a mistake..
The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat..
8. This is fart cat.
9.. This is busy cat.
10.. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down
Read each line aloud without a mistake..
The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat..
8. This is fart cat.
9.. This is busy cat.
10.. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down
これも学校教材用ね。
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry 'Giving up?'
先ほどの Anniversaryはパーティ用。っていっても、お子ちゃまのお誕生日会じゃないですからね、くれぐれもお子ちゃまの英会話教室の教材にはしないでくださいね。。。。（でも、お子ちゃま達はちゃんと分かったりして）
今度のは、正真正銘、中学校の教材にも可ですから、、、
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
さすがに、西洋の子は違いますな～
子供のときからフェミニスト。
常連さんのお一人が結婚記念日を迎えられたそうです。
たまたま、知人から送ってきたジョーク。
タイミングばっちりですけど、まさか、そのお方のところにコメントで載せるわけにはいかないので、こちらでご紹介しておきますね。。。。
ヒヒヒ。
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
良妻なんでしょうな～～～～～
たまたま、知人から送ってきたジョーク。
タイミングばっちりですけど、まさか、そのお方のところにコメントで載せるわけにはいかないので、こちらでご紹介しておきますね。。。。
ヒヒヒ。
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
良妻なんでしょうな～～～～～
またまた、怪鳥さんからのメール。
先日もちょっと愉快なのが来ていたけど、その前にそんなの出しちゃ駄目って言われたから、この前のはパスね。
今日のは、文部省ご垂涎、、、、じゃない、ご推薦にもなれそうなものだから、
イタリアからの移民の夫婦。
旦那が死にそうになり、奥さんに、「俺の金は全部棺桶に入れてくれ。あの世で使うから」って約束させた。
そして、葬儀の日。奥さんのボーイフレンドが「まさか、あのお金を全部棺桶に入れるなんて馬鹿なことはしないよね」って聞いたら、奥さんは
「私はイタリアのカトリックだから。約束は破れないの。 だから、お金は全部私の口座に入れて、棺桶には小切手を入れておいたわ。あの人がお金を使えば私の口座から落ちるから、、、」
アーメン
The Obedient Italian Wife!
There was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his Italian wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, (what else), and her best friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"
She had a small metal box with her; she came overwith the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertaker locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an Italian Catholic & I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in thecasket with him.."
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him??"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it." AMEN!
また、怪鳥さんからの、お届け物。
ちょっと、色っぽいジョーク。
自称お子ちゃまの方は、片目をつぶって読んでくださいね。
A Chicken Farmer in a Bar
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!"
"What a coincidence" the farmer said, "This is a special day for me, so I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too; I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man, "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens suddenly become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence."
養鶏業者がバーに行ってシャンペーンをオーダーしました。
隣に座っていた女性が、「あら、私も同じものを注文したばかりなのよ」って言いました。
「なんて偶然なんでしょうな。今日は特別な日なので、お祝いをしているんですよ」養鶏業者は答えました。
「私にも特別な日で、私もお祝いしているところなの」ってその女性が答えました。
「なんて偶然」養鶏業者は驚いています。
カチンとグラスを合わせて、彼は「何のお祝いです」って聞きます。
「子供が欲しくってずっと努力してきたんですけど、今日、お医者さんが妊娠しているって教えてくれたの」
「そりゃ、なんて偶然！」彼は答えます、「私は養鶏業を営んでいるんですけど、もう何年も家の雌鳥たちが受精卵を産まなくって。でも、今日、全部が受精卵を産んだんですよ」
「素晴らしいわ。でもどうして受精卵を産めるようになったのかしら」
「なに、種鳥を代えたんですよ」
その女性はにっこり笑いながら、グラスを合わせ言いました、「まあ、なんて偶然」
ちょっと、色っぽいジョーク。
自称お子ちゃまの方は、片目をつぶって読んでくださいね。
A Chicken Farmer in a Bar
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!"
"What a coincidence" the farmer said, "This is a special day for me, so I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too; I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man, "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens suddenly become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence."
養鶏業者がバーに行ってシャンペーンをオーダーしました。
隣に座っていた女性が、「あら、私も同じものを注文したばかりなのよ」って言いました。
「なんて偶然なんでしょうな。今日は特別な日なので、お祝いをしているんですよ」養鶏業者は答えました。
「私にも特別な日で、私もお祝いしているところなの」ってその女性が答えました。
「なんて偶然」養鶏業者は驚いています。
カチンとグラスを合わせて、彼は「何のお祝いです」って聞きます。
「子供が欲しくってずっと努力してきたんですけど、今日、お医者さんが妊娠しているって教えてくれたの」
「そりゃ、なんて偶然！」彼は答えます、「私は養鶏業を営んでいるんですけど、もう何年も家の雌鳥たちが受精卵を産まなくって。でも、今日、全部が受精卵を産んだんですよ」
「素晴らしいわ。でもどうして受精卵を産めるようになったのかしら」
「なに、種鳥を代えたんですよ」
その女性はにっこり笑いながら、グラスを合わせ言いました、「まあ、なんて偶然」