How to wash a toilet

またまた贈り物のおすそ分けです。

「トイレ掃除のやり方」

1. Put both lids of the toilet up
And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
トイレの蓋と便座の両方を上げてください。
トイレの水の中に１／８カップのペットシャンプーを入れてください。

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
猫をあやしながら、トイレに連れて行ってください。

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.
You may need to stand on the lid.
すばやく、猫をトイレに入れ。蓋を閉めてください。
蓋の上に座らなければならないかもしれません。

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
猫は暴れまわり、十分泡立ててくれるでしょう。
トイレから発生する音は気にしないでください。
猫は楽しんでいるんですから。

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
トイレの水を３，４回流してください。
これで強力洗浄とリンスが完了します。

6. Have some one open the front door of your home.
Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
誰かにあなたの家の玄関ドアを開けてもらってください。
トイレと玄関ドアの間に人がいないことを確認してください。

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
トイレの後ろにできるだけ離れて立って、蓋を開けてください。

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,
And run outside where he will dry himself off.
猫はロケットのようにトイレから飛び出して、裸のままバスルームを抜け、家の表に走り去るでしょう。そこで猫は体を乾燥させるのです。

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
こうすればトイレも猫もピカピカに綺麗になります。、



　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Sincerely,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The Dog

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　

今日のわんこ 追加あり

今日のわんこ。
この子達のご両親のために一応アップしておきますが、ちょっと、写真のできに不満がありますので、１週間程度で削除すると思います。コピーされる場合にはお早めにお願いします。
コメントをいただける場合も、その旨前もってご了承ください。

でもこの子、以前のチョコレートの国のトップを飾った子じゃないですよね？







ついでに、怪鳥さんからまた送ってきたメールを紹介しておきます。
これも私の作ったものじゃないから、削除いたしますけど。


Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog?

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.


ところで、上のわんこはお母さんを二人連れていました。「男」を「女」に読み替えたら、このジョークは成立するかな？

Polish Divorce

また、ジョークが舞い込んで来ました。



A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She is going to kill me.

What makes you think that?!
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover.'

Help!!!!

I know most of you are dog lovers and will help us. My neighbor has lost her Chihuahua and is desperate to find him. Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV. She called out for her puppy with no response, and the back door was open.

She has been putting up the below 'Lost Puppy' signs everywhere. If you see this dog, please let me know and I will notify her right away. Your help would be greatly appreciated.

Quick Thinker

またまた、怪メール。


A man robs a bank and takes 2 hostages.

He asks the first hostage, "did you see me rob the bank".



The hostage answers "yes".

The robber, promptly, shoots him in the head.



Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.

The hostage answers, "no, but my wife did".


ボクちゃんやっぱり不幸な人生を歩んできたんですね。
だって、こんな銀行強盗についぞ出会わなかったものね。

It's Hell to be Old

また、怪鳥から怪メール；


OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'


判る。
私も、手ではレトルトの袋を破れなくなってきているのですよ。

The bird and the bee 訳を追加しました

翻訳を載せろとのご注文が出ましたので、翻訳を追加しておきます。
定連さんにはプロの翻訳家や英語が仕事の言葉の方が多いのでちょっと恥ずかしいのですけど、間違っていてもご愛嬌ということで

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
　　あるお父さんが１０歳になる子供に、セックスのことを知っているかって聞きました。
　　（the bird and the bee　　＝性教育のお話）




"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
　　「そんなの聞きたくもない」その子は目に涙を浮かべて抗議しました。「お話しないって約束してよ」　　



Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
　　吃驚して、お父さんはどうしたんだって聞きました。



The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
　　子供は泣きながら「六つのとき、イースターのうさちゃんはいないって聞かされた。
　　(Easter Bunny ＝イースターの卵を持ってきてくれる兎）




At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
　　七つの時には、歯の妖精はいないって聞かされた。
　　(Tooth Fairy ＝取れた乳歯をコインに変えてくれる妖精）




When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
　　八つのときには、サンタはいないって言ったじゃない。



If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
　　ほんとうは大人になってもセックスなんてしないんだって言うんだったら、生きていく価値がないじゃない。

身につまされる話ですね

He said . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said ...You wear pants don't you?

Dear God,

in bible times,
did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer

世界で一番短いおとぎばなし

また、怪鳥からメールが送ってきました。



Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said,"NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after

and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer

and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.



まぁ、いつものごとく拙訳でござんすが、

むかしむかしあるところで、男の子が女の子に「結婚しようよ」っていいました。
女の子は「いやよ」って答えました。
それからその男の子はずっと幸せに暮らしましたとさ。

好きなときに釣りや狩に行け、ゴルフ三昧、浴びるほどビールが飲めて、便座を上げっぱなしにでき、いつでも好きなときにおならができる、、、、、



後生です、誰でもいいから怪鳥に仕事を与えてください。