たばこの気持ち

僕は大量の写真を整理しながら、次のような言葉が浮かんだ。

「35歳を過ぎたら親に従う=絶対命令」

「55歳を過ぎたら子に従う=老たら子に従う」

「60歳を過ぎたら妻に従う」

それを妻に言ったら、「え〜っ、どの口がそれを言う？」と反論された。

僕は、まだまだ妻に従っていないらしいので、これから日々精進していこうと思った。

僕は幼な子に過剰と思えるほどの喜びを得た。

そして、僕は若妻にも惚れていたし、たくさんの悦びと励ましを得ていた。

父母（3人の祖父母を含む、1人は僕生まれる2年前に他界）からは返し切れない「捧げ尽くす愛」を得た。

これらの証拠写真と向き合い、スマホに撮って捨てた。

捨ててこそ浮かぶ背もあり、という格言のとおり、捨てた大量の写真は僕の体内に刻み込まれた。

As I was sorting through the large number of photos, the following words came to mind: "After 35, obey your parents."

"After the age of 35, obey my parents = absolute command."

"After 55, obey my child."

"After the age of 60, I obey my wife."

When I told this to my wife, she retorted, "What the heck are you talking about?"

She countered, "Well, who are you to say that to me?"

I thought to myself, "I am not yet obeying my wife", so I will work on it day by day from now on.

I was getting what I thought was an excessive amount of pleasure from a young child.

And I was also in love with my young wife, who gave me a lot of pleasure and encouragement.

My parents (including three grandparents, one of whom passed away two years before I was born) gave me a "devoted love" that I could never repay. 

I faced these photographic evidences, took them on my phone, and threw them away.

As the saying goes, "only when you throw something away does it come back to you," and so the large number of discarded photos became imprinted in my body.