たばこの気持ち

1年限りの学生寮

同じ2人部屋の同級生が死んだ日に

僕は大学の先生に呼ばれ、彼が亡くなったと聞かされた

彼は10月に退寮していた

半年の共同生活が脳裏に蘇ってきた

小石川寮の隣の銭湯前におでん屋台があった🍢

僕は冷酒とおでんを頼み、涙を拭きふき、泣きながら冷や汗を飲み、おでんを食べた

彼と一緒に住んでいた部屋に戻ると寮生が僕を呼びにきた

顔を洗ってから、指定の部屋へ行くと、亡くなった友人の共通の寮生たちがいた

彼らは一斉に、「彼をお前が殺したようなものだ」と言った

彼の検死に立ち会った彼らが、なぜそんなことを言うのか？

僕にはまったく心当たりがなかったけれど、いろいろ聞かされて、少なからず自分の責任を痛感した

ほどなく僕も退寮し、上板橋の風呂なし共同トイレのアパートに引っ越した

彼の印象は、薄茶色のコーディロイのジーパンとサンダル姿だった

今日、僕はスポーツ1人カラオケ🎤で、かぐや姫の「赤ちょうちん🏮」を歌った

おでん🍢とサンダル🩴のフレーズは、涙なしには歌えない

プーマのスニーカーを脱いで

椅子に乗ってリズムをとって歌うんだ

いつもそうなんだけれど

もう51年も前のことなのに

「赤ちょうちん」のあとは、成瀬昌平さんの「はぐれコキリコ」を歌った

心の中で、彼のお墓から見える立山に両手を合わせた

Student dormitory for one year only

The day a classmate in the same double room died

I was called by my professor at the university and told that he died

he left the dormitory in October

Half a year of living together revived in my mind

There was an oden stand in front of the public bath next to Koishikawa dormitory🍢

I ordered cold sake and oden, wiped away my tears, cried and drank cold sweat, and ate oden.

When I returned to the room where I lived with him, a dormitory student called me.

After washing my face, when I went to the designated room, there were common dormitory students of my deceased friend.

They said in unison, "It's like you killed him."

Why would those who were present at his autopsy say such a thing?

I didn't know anything about it, but after hearing various things, I was keenly aware of my responsibility.

Soon after, I also left the dormitory and moved into an apartment in Kami-Itabashi with no bath and shared toilets.

His impression was that he was wearing light brown corduroy jeans and sandals.

Today, I sang Kaguya Hime's "Aka Chochin 🏮" at a sports solo karaoke 🎤

I can't sing the oden🍢 and sandals🩴 phrases without tears

take off your puma sneakers

Get on the chair and sing to the rhythm

it's always like that

51 years ago

After "Akachochin", I sang "Hagure Kokiriko" by Shohei Naruse.

In my mind, I put my hands together on Mt. Tateyama, which I could see from his grave.