Eigobin Special 2

「英語便」（http://www.eigobin.com/）特集、2日目の今日はGetUpEnglishの記事でチェックしてもらった例を紹介します。

　本年2016年4月1日、GetUpEnglishは10周年を迎えました。

 　その際のみなさんへのメッセージは、英語便に添削してもらいました。

　本日のGetUpEnglishは、その添削例をご紹介します。

01.Today, 1 April 2016, marks the tenth anniversary of GetUpEnglish!
02.
03. I want to thank all of the people who have come to this site to learn English.
04.
05.　I have a great passion for English language learning, and it is one of the my biggest dreams of my life that we , Japanese people , learn English and other foreign languages proficiently.
06.
07.　If , during these past years , I have been able to help you in any way at all in your English-language studies, then I am very happy.
08.
09.　Thank you again, and please keep clicking on GetUpEnglish in the coming year.
10.
11.　 With the warmest Best wishes to you all.
12.
13.　 Hayato Uesugi
14.
オレンジ:スペルミス/紫:変更されたワード/赤:付加された必要ワード/緑:不必要なワード/青:意味が解りづらいもの/不自然な言い回し/青緑 : Impressive!(自然/クリエイティブな表現)

先生からのコメント

01. Nice use of the verb 'mark' here to mean commemorate an anniversary.

Use lowercase letters here. Capital letters are often seen as shouting in a document.

02.

03. A great opening statement to show your appreciation.

04.

05. Use 'my biggest dreams' to show clearly that it is your hope.

'of my life' is not needed, because it is understood in the context of the sentence.

We use commas to separate words or phrases that mark where the voice would pause slightly.

For example, 'James, our tour guide, lost all of our tickets.'

Add 'other' here to show that there are more languages, without being exact about what they are.

Excellent adverb choice.

06.

07. Use 'these' to refer to recent times or things that are happening now.

We use the phrase '...help you in any way' to express the idea that you have helped a little or in some way.

08.

09.

10.

11. We commonly use 'best wishes' to sign off a document, especially in a more formal context. 'warmest wishes' is usually reserved for those you have a very close relationship with, such as family or friends.

12.

13. In English, your first name comes before your family name.

14.

This is a well written document.

Your tone is friendly and your gratitude to those using your site is obvious.

You also have used a variety of language and grammar structures to convey your message in a clear and easy to understand manner.

Nice work!

  この修正を反映した記事がこちらです。

　http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/d6856b19e6ca8b51d0d71bdccacaba15

  明日のGetUpEnglishでは、英語便（http://www.eigobin.com/）にチェックしてもらった原著者へのメールをご紹介します。 

Eigobin Special 1

 

GetUpEnglishでは、ネイティブ添削の「英語便」（http://www.eigobin.com/）のすぐれたサービスを何度も紹介してきましたが、今も変わらず和文英訳や作家のインタビュー記事のチェックなどで大いにお世話になっております。

　GetUpEnglishでは、今日11月14日（月）18日（金）の5日間、英語便のサービスをご紹介したいと思います。

　19日（土）にはプレゼントのお知らせもあります。どうかそちらもご期待ください。

  では、「英語便」特集第１日目の今日は、「英米作家へのインタビュー記事」の例をご紹介します。

　わたしは2007年にトム・コーウィン『ぼくのだいじなボブ』(Tom Corwin, Mostly Bob)本を翻訳出版しました。

　http://bookclub.kodansha.co.jp/product?isbn=9784062138000

その際に、著者トム・コーウィンにインタビューしたのですが、それは日本語で発表しただけですので、英語の細部にそれほどこだわる必要はありませんでした。

しかし、ほぼ十年ぶりに当時のインタビューを振り返ってみて、英文でもしっかりした形で残したいと思いました。また、トム・コーウィンはミュージシャンでもあり、Mostly BobというBob Dylanのトリビュート・アルバムを制作した人でもあります。ディランがノーベル文学賞を受賞したので、このインタビューはタイムリーだと思います。

そんなことがあり、英語便にこのインタビュー記事にあるわたしの英語の質問部分をこのたびチェックしてもらいました。英語の使い方はもちろん、interviewerのあり方も教えてくれる非常にありがたい添削が戻され、大変感激しております。

本日のGetUpEnglishでは、英語便が添削してくれた上杉のAn Interview with Tom Corwinをご紹介します。（英語便の許可を得て、添削記事をそのまま転載します）

　http://mostlydylan.com/

01.Tom Corwin , Producer of Mostly Dylan
02. Interviewed by Hayato Uesugi, Editor/Translator
03.
04.AN INTERVIEW WITH TOM CORWIN
05.
06.
07.Q1: First, would you tell us about the making of MOSTLY DYLAN?
08.
09.
10.Q2: What about the musicians joining who participated in MOSTLY DYLAN: George Marinelli, Rickie Fataar, and others musicians ―Michael Rodriguez, Randy Quan, Jimmy Sanchez, Jerry Cortez, Peter Booras, Garrin Benfeild? Their playing in performances on the CD are amazing. Needless to say, the performances of Tim Hockenberry and Bonnie Raitt and yourself here could not have been greater, too better, either . Could you briefly introduce them and their playing abilities ?
11.
12.Q3: MOSTLY DYLAN is a tribute album to Bob Dylan, with a new perspective on his songs , by you and Tim Hockenberry. It is the of Dylan by the two of you. Ten songs of that on the album are Dylan’s, but you include two of your own original songs, “Two Steps Back” and “Flirting With Disaster”. The two songs seem to be like songs Dylanesque wrote , but they have genuine originality, too. They are magnetic!
13.How did you manage decide to put the two songs into onto this CD? Your choice made for a great result, but I’m wondering whether you wrestled with that choice.
14.
15.Q4: What does Bob Dylan and his music mean to you? What is it in Dylan that has intrigued you? His music attracts people from all over the world. In addition, his lyrics make us think a lot. Some people have recently said he should get the Nobel Prize for Literature for his lyrics. Are you intrigued by his lyrics as well as his music?
16.
17.Q5: You launched your label MOSTLY with this CD. And this MOSTLY DYLAN is the first in a series of editions that will feature new perspectives on legendary artists. Do you have concrete future plans now?
18.
19.
20.Q6: The jacket cover of MOSTLY DYLAN is really nice . Who designed it?
21.
22.
23.Q7: After many years of recording and performing as a bass player and vocalist with a variety of artists including Patti LaBelle, Booker T., Bonnie Raitt and the House of Blues band, you chose to focus your attention on producing and recording. Can you tell us about your activities as a musician in those days and as a producer now?
24.
25.Q8: What about your own music background. Where did you learn how to play music and ?
26.
27.
28.Q9: Do you have some any favorite musician or musicians?
29.
30.Q10: I heard you have had some experiences of playing here in Japan. You played at Tokyo Blue Note as a member of the Booker T. band in 1998. Please tell us about the shows and your impression of Japanese audiences.
31.
32.Q11: You published MOSTLY BOB just after MOSTLY DYLAN had been completed. Bob was still alive while you were making MOSTLY DYLAN and I am quite sure Bob enjoyed listening to the sound you guys were making. Can you tell us something about Bob?
33.
34.
35.
36.
オレンジ:スペルミス/紫:変更されたワード/赤:付加された必要ワード/緑:不必要なワード/青:意味が解りづらいもの/不自然な言い回し/青緑 : Impressive!(自然/クリエイティブな表現)

先生からのコメント

01. The comma should be positioned directly after the previous word. A space should then be left before the start of the following word.
02.
03.
04.
05.
06.
07.
08.
09.
10. Use 'who' as the conjunction between clauses when the second clause refers to a person or people introduced in the first clause. "He is the man who spoke to John."
The verb 'join' refers only to the moment when a person decides to 'join' the group. Thereafter, that person is a member of the group, or a participant in the activity the group has been set up for. In this case, it's better to use the verb 'participate.'
It's not necessary to use 'musicians' again here. It's already understood from information given earlier that musicians are being referred to. It would be far more natural to a native speaker to just say 'others' here.
While we understand that these musicians are playing on the CD, when we look back on what they did, we generally talk in terms of their overall 'performance.'
The preposition 'on' is used with music or songs 'on' a CD.
The plural of 'be' is needed to agree with multiple people.
Nice use of 'needless to say' here. The phrase "it goes without saying" could also have been used.
The comparative 'better' is needed here.
Use 'either' at the end of the sentence where an agreeing thought is being expressed (I don't like tennis and I don't like golf, either).
Perhaps it's better to use 'abilities' when referring to what they can do.
11.
12. Too many unnecessary words are being used in the second comment. It would be more natural to add the 'new perspective on' phrase to the first comment. The same point is now made, using far fewer words than in the original. Structuring a comment or question in such a way is important in an interview situation, as there's nothing worse than an interviewer who speaks too much.
Use the preposition 'on' again here, along with 'the' to refer to the album. We can use 'this' or 'the' to refer to the album under discussion, but the sudden use of 'that' would suggest there is a different album being mentioned as well.
Using the one word 'Dylanesque' which means 'in the manner of Dylan' would be a great way to make the point while using far fewer words.
13. The interviewer is referring to a 'decision' here; they decided to do this.
Songs are recorded 'onto' CD.
Great comment. Excellent use of 'wrestle with' here.
14.
15. Dylan is one person and the music belongs to him, so use the 3rd person singular here (what does).
Good question with good use of 'intrigue.'
Add the preposition 'from' before 'all over the world.'
The key point is that these comments were made 'recently' so this adverb should be placed just before the verb 'said' in the sentence.
16.
17. 'Of editions' is not needed here. 'The first in a series' is enough detail.
18.
19.
20. While we understand the meaning of 'jacket' in this sense, the common name is 'cover.' A CD has a cover.
'Really nice' is a little simplistic in tone. We might instead comment on its originality or unique artwork or something else more specifically related to the cover.
21.
22.
23. Nice comments here. Good information and a good build-up to the question that comes next.
The common phrase is 'in those days.' 'At that time' could also be used.
24.
25. Again, making this into one question would be the natural method here.
26.
27.
28. We need to use 'any' in a question. Use 'some' in a plural statement (I have some books) or when using an uncountable noun (I have some beer).
We would almost certainly never separate the singular from the plural here. By using 'musicians' it would automatically be understood that this refers to all musicians, whether solo artists or groups.
29.
30. These experiences are countable, so the plural is needed, along with 'some' (as mentioned above in line 28).
People have experience 'of' doing something. The preposition 'of' is needed.
This would be one single overall impression, so use the singular form here.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
Hello, and thank you for this composition. You have written really well and used some great phrasings and expressions.
Best wishes.
Andrew.

  そして、この英語便の記事を修正した完全版インタビューを、以下に掲載します。

  http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/4105f21569d7b8d72499e079aebec7af

講談社新刊 英語便メンバー６名様へプレゼント！

英語便（http://www.eigobin.com/）さんでご紹介いただいております！

講談社新刊　英語便メンバー６名様へプレゼント！

 

１２月～５月に講談社より発売された、人気のSTAR WARS 本合計４冊をご紹介させていただきます。 今回も、講談社さんより、特別に英語便メンバー６名様（文庫本は３冊セット）のプレゼントがあります！ ご希望の方はこの頁のご応募要項に従い、期日までにご応募ください。

プレゼント書籍のご案内
(プレゼントはジュニアノベルズ１冊、または文庫本３冊のセットのどちらかになります）

 

(Ａ）単行本（ジュニアノベルズ）１冊を３名様へプレゼント! スター・ウォーズ フォースの覚醒 (ディズニーストーリーブック) 単行本   [著] マイケル・コッグ [原著] J.J・エイブラムス [翻訳] 上杉 隼人 / 吉富 節子 この本は、翻訳版（日本語）のストーリーブックです。（小学校中級以上向け)   200頁／定価972円 ISBN-13: 978-4062200264 Amazon=> http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4062200260

 

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(Ｂ）文庫本以下３冊を３名様へセットでプレゼント! スター・ウォーズ エピソード4:新たなる希望 (講談社文庫) 文庫   [著] ジョージ・ルーカス [原作] ジョージ・ルーカス [翻訳] 上杉 隼人 / 杉山 まどか この本は、翻訳版（日本語）です   448頁／定価961円 ISBN-13: 978-4062932769 Amazon=> http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4062196301

スター・ウォーズ エピソード5:帝国の逆襲 (講談社文庫) 文庫   [著] ドナルド.F・グルート [原作] ジョージ・ルーカス [翻訳] 上杉 隼人 / 潮 裕子 この本は、翻訳版（日本語）です   352頁／定価961円 ISBN-13: 978-4062932776 Amazon=> http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4062932776

スター・ウォーズ エピソード6:ジェダイの帰還 (講談社文庫) 文庫   [著] ジェームズ・カーン [原作] ジョージ・ルーカス [翻訳] 上杉 隼人 / 吉田 章子 この本は、翻訳版（日本語）です   352頁／定価961円 ISBN 978-4062196307 Amazon=> http://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4062932784

今回のプレゼント本、２冊を翻訳されている、翻訳家の上杉隼人さんは、英語便メンバーでいらっしゃいます。（ハンドルネームは秘密）海外のAuthorへのレターチェックをはじめ、仕事・学習に長期に英語便の添削をご活用いただいております。

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★　★　★ プレゼントご応募方法 ★ ★ ★

 

ご応募期間　

 

２０１６年６月６日（月）～　２０１６年６月１５日（水）　

 

ご応募方法

 

アドレスcustomer@eigobin.comまでインターネットメールでご応募ください。

 

メールタイトルに　「講談社新刊プレゼント応募」と記載してください。

メール本文中に、ご希望書籍（Ａ）または（Ｂ）と英語便ハンドルネームを記載して送信ください。（必要事項のみで、挨拶等なしでご送信いただいてかまいません）

 

※申し訳ありませんが、プレゼント本の発送は日本国内のみとさせていただきます。　海外ご在住の方でも、日本国内のご親戚・ご友人がお受け取り可能な場合はご応募いただけます。

 

抽選と当選者発表

 

ご応募者の中から各３名、合計６名様をコンピュータ抽選で選ばせていただきます。

２０１６年６月１６日（木）にInformationメールにて当選者６名様のハンドルネームを発表させていただきます。

 

皆様のご応募お待ちしております。

英語便 TOEFL iBTコース、スタート！

英語便（www.eigobin.com）のTOEFL iBTコース、ついにスタート！　すばらしいサービス、わたしも挑戦し、GetUpEnglishで随時紹介します。

 ====================================================

- アカデミックライティングを学ぶ新コース登場!

- 今ならスタートアップダブルキャンペーン適用中！

====================================================

 上級でスタイリッシュなアカデミックライティングを身につけるコース TOEFL(R) iBTがスタートしました。

当コースは、国際基督教大学の英語教育課准教授であり、５０ 冊を超えるTOEIC(R)/ TOEFL(R)の書籍・教材を執筆しているPaul Wadden教授と英語便の初のコラボ製品です。　

Paul Wadden教授の最強のライティング戦略、オリジナル書き下ろしのTOEFL問題とモデルアンサー、そして９年の蓄積された英語便の添削技術を融合させた、「最強のアカデミックライティングを身につけるコース」となっています。

 コースのご案内、テキスト、画面イメージなどはこちらで

ご覧いただけます。

http://www.eigobin.com/toefl.php

 -----------------------------------------------------

今ならスタートアップダブルキャンペーン適用中です！

-----------------------------------------------------

 ● お申し込み先着１００名様へ、２０１４年８月研究社出

版の「TOEFL iBT(R) テスト完全教本」(2,700円 税込み）、

またはリライトチケット１０枚(2,900円相当 税込み)をも

れなくプレゼントさせていただきます

 

(本のご案内はこちら)

http://www.eigobin.com/toefl_book_info.html

 ● ２０１５年１月３１日までにお申し込みのみなさまへ

リライトチケットパックのコースを割引でご提供させてい

ただきます！

 -----------------------------------------------------

スタンダードコース受講中のみなさまへの特典

-----------------------------------------------------

 メンバー期間中に、Academic Writingコースへお申し込みいただくと、スタンダードコースのご利用が併せて６ヶ月延長になります。

 また、現在お手持ちの添削チケットを、Academic Writingコースのリライトチケットとしてご利用いただけます。

※ リライトとは、添削結果を見て講師のアドバイスに従ってパラグラフを書き直したり、別の表現で書き換えて提出する機能です。

 Information欄に、特典について掲載しています。ぜひご覧になってみてください。

--------------------------------------------------------

 英語便については、こちらをご覧ください。

http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/2438020c78556f59677d178a9181f40b

英語便 www.eigobin.com

GetUpEnglishを力強く支えてくれている英語便（http://www.eigobin.com/）さんについては、こちらにまとめました。 ぜひご覧ください。

英語便さんのおかげで、TOEIC SWテストのライティング・テストで200点満点を取ることができました。

EIGOBIN 2014

http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/6a029c91ceb959b07d8a9bf0d3ae6dc1

EIGOBIN 2013

http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/33e2a03d585badc3be3c7aa1cd56da89

http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/c0446c013dedf6eb2d435120bf678158

英語便『戦略的ビジネスEメールライティングコース』

http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/7edc2d66a6a29e936a2fc815e44501bd

そのほか

http://blog.goo.ne.jp/getupenglish/e/9e6d271fa8f3e8538d2a91e38594ae92

英語便（Eigobin) 2014

英語便（www.eigobin.com/）のすばらしさはGetUpEnglishで何度も紹介しているが、このサイトのおかげで、わたしはTOEICスピーキングテスト／ライティングテスト（SWテスト）のライティング・テストで、200点満点が取れるまでになった。 　英日翻訳に加えて、日英翻訳、英文ライティングをす ることが多くなった。1日のメールの半分は英語で書いている。 　そんな状況なので、英語便にはほぼ毎日お世話になっている。英文を提出すると、ほぼ48時間以内に戻してくれるのでありがたい。またTOEIC SWやTOEFL iBTも定期的に受けているが、こちらの学習でも大変助けられている。こうしたテストにあわせたコースも最近は用意されているので、すごく助かる。　http://www.eigobin.com/toeicsw.php　   　本日のGetUpEnglishは、最近提出したわたしの英文記事と添削例を示し、英語便のサービスのすばらしさを改めて紹介したい。   先日21日のTOEIC SWテスト対策のために、Opinion Qustionを一つ書いて、提出した。問題は次のものだった。     　Write an opinion essay (30 Minutes 300 Words) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? "The customer is always right." Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.     　こちらを573語も書いてしまったのだが、次のように懇切丁寧に添削されたものが戻ってきた。   01.I disagree with the statement that the customer is always right.  Let me explain my opinion from my experience as an editor at a publishing house.
02.
03.Fundamentally,  makers     manufacturers   including publishers like us should try to satisfy our customers completely with our products. In order to do that, we are working very hard every day to provide  them   a perfect item for them. However, some  of them  products    could never satisfy  with   them, even though they seem to have the best  ones   products   they've never had.
04.
05.I am an editor working for  one of the most established publishers in this country.  In my 24 year career, I have published 200 books including very comprehensive dictionaries. In 2007, I  have   finally published very educational and informative English-Japanese dictionaries which took us more than 10 years. I was so pleased to know that most of our customers are truly satisfied  with  our products and they kindly appreciate our hard  job work   . However,  someday   one day    a customer called me to tell that our crystallization of long years has a lot of mistakes. I politely  dealt   with him to let me know about those mistakes. After talking with him, however, I found that he  could     caught   only one misprint.  He was right. In our dictionary, the word "impeccable" was written as "impecable."   I was terribly sorry  of for     my readers. By telling me that only misprint, however, the customer strongly criticized us  by saying  that our dictionary is filled with  mistakes .   I would like to say that nobody is perfect and our dictionaries are not "impeccable" either. Of course we editors and lexicographers should try to avoid any mistakes and misprints, but such mistakes cannot be avoided.   I would like  to   our customers  to  kindly understand that. I believe our dictionary helps customers study English a lot.  However, some of them never try to appreciate our effort and keep on criticizing us with very strict words.
06.
07.In addition, they sometimes try to attack us by posting negative  comments  on  a website. That is becoming a big problem among us.
08.
09.After  the    advent   of the Internet and online  bookstores , the way  to people     purchase books has rapidly changed. Now many  customers   enjoy shopping at  an   influential online bookstores like Amazon.com. It is very sad again to see that there are many vicious comments on some  merchandise   which  seemed   to be very good  for to     me. As an editor, I need to check our  customers' responses   after putting out  our  each  of our   products . To see a negative comment on our  merchandise   is unbearable. Although some of the comments they insist might be right, most of them are not, and   I suspect that some reviews have been written with a special purpose. With those negative comments, the reviewers try to make the customer not   to   buy our products. Due to such negative comments, our sales sometimes  are forced to   drop rapidly. To my sadness, those  nuisance  reviews  of nuisance   are sometimes written by our competitors or people who strongly support them. They wrote those reviews even though they have never read or  experienced   it.  It is not healthy for us to criticize each other.    And I must say that the customers who wrote those inappropriate reviews should consider what they have done.
10.
11.Some customers always criticize  makers   manufacturers    even though they have one of the best things from them. Furthermore, they sometimes  distribute  give manufacturers a    bad reputation  of makers   by  posting   vicious  reviews  on the web. These are the  reasons   why I must say that customers are not   always right.
オレンジ:スペルミス/紫:変更されたワード/赤:付加された必要ワード/緑:不必要なワード/青:意味が解りづらいもの/不自然な言い回し/青緑 : Impressive!(自然/クリエイティブな表現)   そして、かたまりごとに、添削してくれる先生のとってもありがたいコメントがついてくる。    01. Nice opening! 02. 03. we usually say: 'something makers' (dressmakers or bookmakers) but we don't use 'makers' by itself. 'Manufacturers' would be okay here. you don't need to use 'them' twice in this sentence In this final sentence, because you use 'them' and 'ones' very often, it's confusing, because we are not 100% sure what you mean. So, I have replaced some of them with the actual item to make your meaning clear. 04. 05. you can use 'I have published' when you are talking about your repeated experiences. But this is a one time publishing, so we would use the regular past tense 'I finally published' the structure is: someone + is satisfied + with + something 'job' is the actual career that you have. We use 'work' when we talk about 'hard work' or 'easy work' 'someday' = in the future / 'one day' = can be future or past 'deal' is the present tense but you need the past tense 'dealt' here using the regular past tense 'he caught' would be more common here the structure is: I am sorry + for + someone we need to say *how* he criticized you, so the structure would be: he criticized us + by + verb-ing the structure is: I would like someone + to + verb 06. 07. 'comment' is a countable noun so you need the plural  here 08. 09. 'bookstore' is a countable noun so you need the plural here 'customer' is a countable noun so you need the plural 'merchandise' isn't usually used as a countable noun, so you don't need the plural here your thinking about your product was in the past, before the comments, so you should use the past tense 'it seemed to  be...' 'customer's response' = 1 customer response / 'customers' responses' = 2 or more responses from customers we usually use 'and' as a conjunction to join two sentences together. You can sometimes use it for a new sentence if you have a new point. But here your points are linked, so let's link the sentences with a comma. the structure is: nuisance + noun 'experience' is the present tense but you need the past tense 'experienced' here 10. 11. the most common phrase is: A + gives B + a bad reputation remember to use 'not' in this final sentence, because you do not agree with the statement.   This was a fantastic essay! Your essay was well-structured and overall your English was very accurate. Your real life stories made me feel sad for you! Whether they are true stories or not, I could really feel your opinion. Great work! -Jennifer     　これが大体48時間以内に戻されて、（チケット制なのではっきりしないが）値段もせいぜい3000円ぐらいだ。   　英語便、最近はTOEFLのカリスマ、ポール・ワーデン、四軒家忍ともに、『TOEFL iBT 完全教本』も出した。   http://www.eigobin.com/toefl_book_info.html 英語便の無料添削も付いている。ぜひ試してほしい。   　TOEIC SWやTOEFL iBTほか、英文ライティングがあるテストを受ける人は、英語便が絶対おすすめだ。 　www.eigobin.com