Eigobin Special 3

「英語便」（http://www.eigobin.com/）特集も3日目を迎えました。

今日はGetUpEnglishの記事でチェックしてもらったある原著者へのメールを紹介します。

　わたしは名前を出していない本を含めると40冊以上の翻訳書を刊行していますが、今も出版社を介さずに著者から直接翻訳を依頼されることがあります。その場合は、最初に基本的なことを決めておく必要があります。

　本日はその著者に送ったメールの英語便による添削例を紹介します。

01.Dear X,
02.
03.I am glad to hear from you after your long absence.
04.Although I’ve been very busy recently not only as an editor but also as a translator and lecturer at universities, let me try to polish my translation of “Half” in a few months.
05.
06. Before starting our project, I believe we should confirm several things.
07.
08.1. I need some royalties. Please let me know how much it should be.
09.2. My name as a translator, Uesugi Hayato, should be printed on the cover and okuzuke or copyright page, etc. I want to check it before publication.
10.3. I want to write a translator’s atogaki or afterwords. In the pages, I would like to introduce you and your works clearly to our readers. I am sure it can will encourage people to buy our book. Furthermore, in the page, I must show my appreciation for those who tremendously helped me make this translation, including Mr.X  and  Ms. Y.
11.
12.
13.Best wishes,
14.
15.Kaneko Yasushi
16.
オレンジ:スペルミス/紫:変更されたワード/赤:付加された必要ワード/緑:不必要なワード/青:意味が解りづらいもの/不自然な言い回し/青緑 : Impressive!(自然/クリエイティブな表現)

先生からのコメント

Thank you for your passage.
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03. Here, you need to identify this long absence as belonging to someone. You cannot simply say 'after long absence.' Do you mean to say that you took some time off? Or did perhaps this person 'disappear' for a while. In that case, you would say 'your long absence.'
04. You have used the words 'few'. In this case, the word 'months' must be in its plural form. Other than that, this is a well written sentence.
05.
06. Another well written sentence that is professional and direct.
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10. The article 'a' should be used here in order to connect your idea together.
In this case, you would use the word 'will' rather than 'can.' You are referring to a hope or desire.
Excellent word choice. Very strong and articulate.
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Superb work! This is a very well written passage with strong word choice and phrasing. Your nuance is excellence. A pleasure to read. Keep up the great work.
Sincerely,
Lucas

明日の「英語便」（http://www.eigobin.com/）特集第4弾もどうかご期待ください。